This is an email exchange I had today with my work colleague.

[MollyMormon]:

A completely unofficial inquiry:

In the exchange between Governor Romney and Congressman Gingrich reported in this piece, the governor is reported to have said he would be thankful at the news that Fidel Castro had “returned to his maker,” at which the Gingrich quipped that he believed Castro was “going to the other place.”

This was a bit of otherwise playful sparring over a point on which they agree, namely that Fidel Castro is a truly horrible figure and that the US embargo and other long-standing Cuba policies should be maintained, all of which I agree with most wholeheartedly.

My question is whether Governor Romney’s response was shaped by LDS theology about what happens to the soul at death.  Why did he chose the phrase “return to his maker”?

[Colleague]

My reply:

[Colleague]:

Good question. I was watching that debate and knew the reference to which Romney was referring.

Latter-day Saints believe when we die we go to the spirit world to await resurrection. There’s a partial judgment there because the presence of God is so strong, people who have a great deal of sin are tormented by their awareness of it, but God isn’t necessarily physically there. He may be at times, but if He were to come to the spirit world physically, it would probably only be among the righteous. After resurrection there’s a final judgment where you physically stand before God to be judged and Christ will be on the Father’s right hand advocating for those who chose to receive His Atonement He freely offered.

An ancient American prophet named Alma described the spirit world as going “home to that God who gave them life.” That was the scripture to which Romney was referring.

Here are some excerpts from that chapter:

“There must needs be a space betwixt the time of death and the time of the resurrection.” (Alma 40:6) http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/40.6?lang=eng#5

“Now concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.” (v.11)

“And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care and sorrow.” (v. 12)

“And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of the wicked, yea, who are evil—for behold, they have no part nor portion of the Spirit of the Lord; for behold, they chose evil works rather than good; therefore the spirit of the devil did enter into them, and take possession of their house—and these shall be cast out into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and wailing, and gnashing of teeth, and this because of their own iniquity, being led captive by the will of the devil.” (v 13)

“Now this is the state of the souls of the wicked, yea, in darkness, and a state of awful, fearful looking for the fiery indignation of the wrath of God upon them; thus they remain in this state, as well as the righteous in paradise, until the time of their resurrection.” (v. 14) http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/40.11-14?lang=eng#10

As we’ve talked about before, Latter-day Saints believe that God makes the gospel available to everyone, though they may not have had the opportunity in mortality. It is in the spirit world where people may accept the gospel and accept proxy baptism performed on their behalf in Temples, such as the one off the beltway. (The “gospel” is faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion by God’s authority, the reception of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands and faithfulness the best you can thereafter.)  It’s up to the deceased to accept or reject this.  We are responsible to perform the ordinances since we don’t know who will accept or not (you only do these for your ancestors, if they’re not your ancestors, you need a family members’ permission). Those who lived without the fullness of the gospel are judged according to the knowledge they had in the flesh in addition to their decision to receive a greater portion of the Atonement once they knew more about it. In my view, this shows how God can be just and require a very narrow gate for salvation, but is also be merciful by making sure everyone has the opportunity to enter the gate if they choose.

All things are finalized at resurrection; there is no post-resurrection acceptance of the gospel. In my opinion, the option to accept the gospel after this life is available only for those at peace enough to hear it and decide upon it. People like Fidel Castro would be so racked with torment (I judge him to be bound for the prison portion of the spirit world) would likely not be open to hearing the gospel, but that’s just my own inference.

You could read the chapter on the 1918 revelation where Christ bridged the division between spirit paradise and prison during the three days after His crucifixion at http://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/138?lang=eng. It was then He commissioned missionaries to teach the gospel to those in prison. This came when the then prophet was pondering these scriptures after the death of his daughter– (1 Peter 3:18-19, 1 Peter 4:6).

On one other occasion Romney has used an LDS phrase in the debates. In SC when Newt was pressing him to release his taxes, he said he would not apologize for being successful, but he didn’t have anything to hide. “I’m honest in my business dealings” he said. This is a phrase from a Temple interview question, which is an interview where a LDS declares their life is aligned with the gospel’s teachings and can enter “the House of the Lord.” The question asks “Are you honest in your business dealings and with your fellow man?”

I hope that will suffice. Thanks for asking the question. I’m happy to respond to any curiosity I can.

Best,

[MollyMormon]

Tags: "Mormon Church", Are Mormons Christians, faith in Jesus Christ, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormonism

I was sneaking out of the party when he caught me. I got up at 5:00 am, so I was spent and hoping to slip out without being caught by another conversation.

He hugged me hello and goodbye at the same time.

It felt really good because it was in a way to show me he cared about me without using words. We grew up together, so he knows me well. He knows the ways that I’ve tremendously changed with also staying relatively the same.

Men and women can be just friends. It depends on each of their mindsets, though. He and I dated in college and we’ve both concluded a romantic relationship isn’t going to work with us.  As we’ve moved onto a new life phase we’ve been sure to nurture our friendship because we both value it.

Can men and women be just friends? This viral video out of Utah State University addresses the question.

The guy with the sandwich cracks me up and the guy from 0:33-0:45 is just adorable. I like what he says, “…[Men] can be content with just friendship and we can be silent regarding those feelings, but we’re going to have them.”

Jesse and Patrick, the “young independent filmmakers,” edited the video well to show lots of attractive girls saying men and women CAN be just friends. Then they turned it to show in these instances the girls wanted to be just friends and the guys wanted more. However, I think it also goes the other way, there are men who want to be just friends with women and it is the women who don’t believe you can be just friends.

Then there are men and women who are friends with each other and neither is romantically interested in the other—happens all the time.

From my own experience there are men that I dated and really liked, but they broke up with me. They feel fine with being just friends, but I prefer not to be. I recently came across this “pin” on Pinterest that makes me laugh. It shows the feeling of the person getting dumped. The one initiating the break up, man or woman, would be comfortable being just friends. However, the one who wants more than friendship poignantly feels it’s not possible.

For me, if the person is someone I still determine could have relationship potential and they don’t want a relationship with me, I don’t want to be friends. If he’s not going to be kissing me, I don’t want to hear him cordially compliment my appearance. I don’t want him asking me for an update on my life and hear an update on his when I think the report could be better if we were together.  There are instances when the man wants only friendship and the woman doesn’t.

Then there are friendships between men and women where neither is interested in dating the other. It’s true, they do exist. Men and women can be just friends. I see it all the time. Further, I’m friends with men I grew up with who are now married. I love it when instead of cutting off friendship with them, their wives become included in the circle of friends.

Hmmm, now that I’m to the end of the post, I’m thinking I may have convinced myself that it’s more of an exception when men and women are really close friends without any romantic interest. I’m really only close friends with men with whom I have lots of history and retaining a friendship with them is worth the work. Otherwise, I don’t really pursue it and we’re really just casual friends or acquaintances and not the kind of friendship they’re addressing in the video.

Now I’m not sure.

What do you think? Can men and women be just friends?

Here’s a spoof on the original video by BYU student Stephen Jones. He’s best known for his starring role in the BYU library’s ad that went viral, New Spice: Study like a scholar, scholar viral video

Tags: Mormons and dating, Mormons and marriage, romantic love

My inner voice sometimes sounds like a screenwriter from a bad Jane Austen remake is feeding me lines.

Recently from my inner voice:

“Your presence is like a prison to me and I can’t wait to be liberated from its captivity.”

What comes out of my mouth:

“Hi”

I edit myself so I don’t sound ridiculous.

Because I often read materials from or about the 18th century, sometimes my first thoughts sound out of place and I have to think of how to rephrase. Reading the scriptures in King James English causes a similar result.

People who say the media you consume has no affect on how you think are being ridiculous themselves.

Sometime, I’d really like to hear something like this from someone’s outer voice:

—Mr. Rochester to Jane Eyre in the 1996 version—

“Sometimes I have the strangest feeling about you. Especially when you are near me as you are now. It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion. And when you go to Ireland, with all that distance between us, I am afraid that this cord will be snapped, and I shall bleed inwardly.”

It’s from this scene, but unfortunately MOVIECLIPS misses capturing the line:

BYU Divine Comedy’s version of Jane Austen.  It makes me think twice about romanticizing the past too much….and of course prompts lots of snickers, too.:)

Latter-day Saint standards on media consumption can be found here. 

Here is a talk from a modern Apostle that gets more specific on why the media we involve ourselves with matters.

Tags: Are Mormons Christians, maintaining clean thoughts, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormons and dating

“He has great taste,” my friend said before we began yesterday’s leadership meeting.

“I picked it out,” I replied. I had just told her that Steve, a man I taught as a full time missionary, bought me the dress for my birthday I was wearing. It’s probably one of my new favs.

It’s a Shabby Apple dress. Some Latter-day Saint business women run this company. Turns out there’s a market for stylish modest clothes.

You can find previous posts about how Mormons wear a special underclothing as a reminder of their covenant to remember Jesus Christ at:

 Magic Mormon Underwear Gets a Mention at the Believing Brain Discussion

 Mormon Underwear: A Constant Personal Reminder to Always Remember Jesus Christ and Keep His Commandments

MacGyver Groupie and Lengthy Leggings

This dress is called Overboard and can be found here. It doesn’t come with the belt pictured.

I got this red belt at a BYU lost and found sale for $2.00. I’m just waiting for the day when some BYU grad (there are many in the DC area) reveals they lost one just like it.

Several people at Church independent of each other told me that I looked like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. The married missionary couple said it, the ward clerk and my friend who is “investigating” as we call it when someone is considering joining also mentioned it.

I was going more for the Fourth of July picnic in the middle of winter look, but whatev.

Remembering teaching Steve makes me smile.

An area leader came to our mission and promised us that if we contacted all the “part member families” in the ward, then by Christmas (in 6 weeks), we’d be teaching someone who would accept the restored gospel.

My companion and I prayed diligently in every single prayer, which as a missionary is a whole lotta prayers, that we could realize that promise in our little part of the vineyard.

Our ward clerk printed a list of everyone who did not have a member spouse.  Then we went about outreaching to people on the list.

I’ll never forget that day. Steve says he knew “it was over” when he saw us walking up because he felt it in his heart. We had no clue. At this point lots of people had shot us down, but we kept praying and kept inviting. We believed someone would be ready.

He had been taught by Sister missionaries years before, which is how he came into the Church. He had gone “less active” as we call it when someone has been baptized and quits participating in the community of Christ.  He was even an ordained high priest and served in that capacity for years before going less active. Being a high priest and walking away is a big deal to Mormons. Because such a person has a great deal of knowledge, God will hold them accountable to that knowledge.

Bishops had visited him many times before to invite him back and so did other missionaries. To put it politely, he wasn’t very nice to them.

Now was his time.

I asked if we could teach him the missionary lessons. Gruffly, he said he already knew the lessons—he even used to teach them himself.

“Then we can teach each other,” I replied.

“There’s no point in me going to Church because I’m not worthy to take the Sacrament,” he said.

“Then you can become worthy,” I replied.

The Sacrament to a Latter-day Saint is a sacred ordinance reminding us of the body and blood of Christ. It renews the baptismal commitment to always remember Jesus Christ and keep the commandments. If you quit keeping commandments, you are to abstain from the Sacrament until you realign yourself with them.

Steve said he was drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, both are against the health code we believe is revealed from God for our time.

He agreed to have us back.

When we returned we were prepared to invite him to quit coffee right away and in later visits we planned to work with him on the cigs.

It was a Sunday when we came back. I was the one that invited him to stop drinking coffee.   He said he would and that he would stop smoking, too, and if he could stop smoking by Wednesday, he’d be to Church on Sunday.

I wish I had a picture of our faces. I hope I get to see that at judgement when my life is reviewed. We were surprised to say the least.

I asked if he was sure.

He was.

And he did.

Now he serves in the Dallas Temple every Saturday.

It was his time.

And we did find a part member family that we were teaching by Christmas and who later received the gospel by baptism. Well, they found us. We wouldn’t have otherwise found them because they weren’t on our list, but that’s another story.

I have lived over and over in my life that when we exercise faith through prayer, the Lord gives us spiritual power to bring about His goodness.

As I’ve mentioned before, God is really good at connecting people who should meet at the right time if we but exercise faith in Him. He works according to our faith.

I believe that a modern prophet prayed about where I should be called as a missionary and by the spirit of prophecy, I was sent to connect with certain people at the right time and invite them to come unto Christ and receive the restored gospel.

I’m not feigning modesty when I say it’s amazing to see it’s God working through me. Realizing answers to prayers isn’t because I have stored up awesome-ness. It’s God. But I do have a part in preparing myself to be His messenger.

Feeling the power of God move through me has forever changed my life. It motivates me to continue seeking after Him.

As I do, I meet  people like Steve.

That makes life oh so good.

Tags: "Mormon Church", Are Mormons Christians, building eternal relationships, faith in Jesus Christ, God is our loving Heavenly Father, magic mormon underwear, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormon Missions, Mormon Underwear

Recent relationship status updates on Facebook have me wondering. Does this happen to other women? Maybe this is just a Mormon dating pool thing.  A guy asks me out and not much later I find out he gets engaged—like days later.

Happened in college. More than once. And after college. Okay only once.

Once upon a time, my sister-in-law told me that two of her siblings went on dates with other people right before getting engaged “just to be sure.”

I request that people wear signs.

A sign would have really been helpful to the guy in this clip:

Oh wait, we do have signs, it’s called relationship status on Facebook. It should be more specific, though.

Dear Mark Zuckerberg, I propose the following upgraded Facebook relationship status options:

1. Single, but my heart is trashed from my last relationship—still healing. I’ll only burn you and burn you hard so stay away.
2. Single, and you’re going to have to be awesome to change that (I saw that on Pinterest and it made me laugh).
3. Single and happy, but I’d be more happy with you. (I like this one best.)
4. In a relationship, but if you’d ask me out if I was single, make that single.
5. In a relationship and I’m pretty sure she’s the one, but I need to go out with another woman for the decision process to be solidified.

This last one would be a helpful tool for me. I could check their profile before they pick me up.

Signs would be so helpful, especially when someone I was once interested in didn’t respond to my attention and I concluded he wasn’t interested in me. Was that a never interested in me or at the time you weren’t available and you would be interested in the event of renewed overtures? Just trying to clarify.

Leaders in the Church act like getting married is something you go out and do when you finally get your act together and decide you want to be married. It’s a little more complicated than that, in my humble opinion. Anytime someone else’s choice factors into an equation, it makes it dicey.

To be honest, I’d love for everyone else to wear signs and exclude myself from signage all together.  Personally, I prefer to date clandestinely so it’s not public knowledge when you break up and are falling apart. I’d rather lick my emotional wounds without a curious audience.

Okay, so everyone gets a pass on this one if they want it.

All in all, I’m glad people are deciding to get married. If I help in the decision making process, so be it.

Update:

If people don’t wear signs, they reveal their relationship status when they sit together in Church—affectionately. This BYU Divine Comedy bit parodies the back-scratches-sitting-in-Church phenomenon. (Though some people cuddle with people they aren’t dating, which makes things all the more confusing.)

Tags: "Mormon Church", mormon cult, Mormons and marriage, Mormons and Sex

I didn’t raise my eyes from my reading as I shook my head in response. I was transferring metro lines, waiting for the next train. His request for “a few dollars” for exit fare caused little outward effect on me, but then I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Maybe he approached me because I was dressed professionally. I didn’t raise my gaze to even register what he looked like, let alone what he was wearing. I’m sure it was a stark contrast to my designer coat crowned with a vintage cameo broach. My feet were slipped into sensible heels, my shoulder supported a knock-off purse and my fingers held the scriptures. I had a crazy dream this morning that my psyche was trying to process and resolve. It caused me to sleep in so I was reading while waiting for the train instead of prior to leaving my house. It’s less effective, but maintains the habit.

As he walked away, it was not lost on me that I was reading words that supposedly would teach me how to be like Jesus Christ and as I declined his petition, I hardly looked at him. Jesus soothed beggars’ needs. Not me as it turns out.

“Are we not all beggars?” is the phrase that comes to mind. An ancient American prophet, King Benjamin, asks this question in a sermon where he includes serving the poor as a form of true Christianity. (Mosiah 4:19)

Before I changed jobs, I daily saw the same beggars near Farragut Park occupying the same space (not the Occupy DC people, that was McPherson Park). For some reason there aren’t many beggars in Dupont Circle where I now work. My previous colleague was a former fundraiser for a Catholic charity that served the homeless. He often told us how giving beggars money was to their detriment because there are resources available to them in the District to rise out of homelessness, but if they have lucrative returns from begging, it deters them from utilizing them.

I also monthly donate to a great charity, which I chose as an effort to support humanitarian work outside of the Church and to persuade my heart to be less attached to stuff. It’s a small effort to live simply, so that others may simply live. I wrote about this idea and my effort in 2010 to be more mindful of my purchasing behavior and my attachment to stuff in the post “Want, Want, Want.”

This is my motivation for consistently declining beggars’ solicitations and never giving them cash. Sometimes I would give them food. I don’t mind buying lunch for someone else, usually in the form of the other half of a Subway sandwich that I purchased for $5.00.

Though this is my practice and philosophy when it comes to beggars, my religiosity always charges me with hypocrisy when I coldly decline a request.

“And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.” (v. 21)

There’s no moral to the story. I’m just relaying how my internalization of scripture affects my worldview and causes me inner conflict.

I’m still not giving beggars cash, but next time I should be more polite and look them in the eye.

Tags: Are Mormons Christians, faith in Jesus Christ, scripture study

The very best thing about going home is playing with my nieces and nephews.

Here my Mom is trying to get my sister’s daughter to say “Mama.”  I love how she teases her with forming her lips for an “m,” thinking about it for a second and then saying “Dada!”

It’s hilarious.

I’ve been spending my days reading about America’s founding era.   It’s a tough job, but somebody ought to be doing it.

Right now, I’m mostly interested in military campaigns of the Revolutionary period and the people and decisions that influenced those outcomes.  In his book, Victory at Yorktown, Ralph M. Ketchum weaves in cultural context to describe the military events.  Because it’s so juicy, I was glad he included a bit on sexuality in America in his cultural backdrop for the War.

As the French arrived in America to bail out the ragtag Continental Army from inevitable annihilation, many of them recorded  observations of the locals in personal journals.  One French officer, Comte de Clermont-Crevecoeur, while in Newport, Rhode Island, wondered why there were so many prostitutes, “in a country so new where vice should not be deeply rooted…”

He attributed prostitution to the practice of “bundling.”

Quoting from pages 81-82 describing his observations:

[Bundling was] an activity granted by parents that permitted a young man who declared himself to be in love with a girl to shut himself up in a room with her, lavishing tender caresses upon her in bed, but “stopping short of those reserved for marriage alone; otherwise he would transgress the established laws of bundling.” A truly virtuous woman would resist and conform to the letter of the law, while “those more amply endowed by nature in this respect succumb to this tender sport.” What’s more, a couple could play this game for five or six years or longer before deciding to marry, without committing finally to wedlock. If a girl was seduced and had a child, it was not she who was disgraced, but the man. Respectable houses were closed to him, and he could not marry into one of the better families.

A married woman, he continued, was very faithful to her husband, even though she might have led “a most licentious life” in the years before marriage. Men didn’t seem to mind this; they were not fussy and believed a girl should be free until she was married. If a married woman committed adultery, the husband announced his wife’s “delinquency” and published it in the papers, stating that he would neither pay her bills nor be liable for her debts. Yet even if the situation deteriorated to that stage, adultery was no excuse for dissolving a marriage—the laws did not permit it, and the husbands were quite patient about waiting for their wives to repent.

More on adultery:

Lord Rawdon, a British officer who mostly campaigned in the southern colonies, was returning to England because of poor health when a French ship captured them. Company on his ship included a Mr. and Mrs. Doyle, which “Gossip asserts that this very pretty lady…was the Lord’s mistress during his campaigns in the South. It is certain that M. Doyle, whom Lord Rawdon made lieutenant-colonel of his regiment, seemed to be a very easy-going fellow,” (footnote p 189).

Men in position taking a mistress isn’t new news, but the suggestion of homosexuality in colonial America was new to me.

Back to bundling lots of pages after its first mention, 166-167:

Once again Clermont-Crevecoeur took a swipe at bundling—this time, at the habit of girls and young women to visit a female friend for five or six days at a time. What can one make of this? he asked. “Certainly nothing favorable to these belles. Do they not bundle with one another? This is what many people think. One dare not state it as fact. But their attitude towards men, their conduct when in their company, the disappearance of the lilies and roses of their youth at the age of twenty to twenty-eight, and their distaste for bundling with men are all good reasons for believing that one is not mistaken.”

This isn’t much to draw a conclusion that homosexual behavior among these young women was actually happening. Visiting female friends for multiple days, aging, and resisting bundling with men are what he cited as evidence. That’s pretty weak, but I thought it was interesting that it was suspected at the time and according to Clermont, it was what “many people thought.”

What does all this mean? Not much to me because it’s just one author’s research and claim. I just thought it was interesting, but since I’m a “N” on the Myers-Briggs spectrum as I’ve mentioned before, I can’t just leave it at that, I have to put some kind of interpretation on it.

I don’t have any Mormon doctrine cultural comparison for you. I could probably come up with one and compare views of sexuality and marriage, but my lunch is now over. I’ll just leave it at it seems the human condition is pretty similar in each generation regardless of political and technological change.  The past may be a foreign country, but the people are fellow souls.

Tags: God's law of chastity

I’ve had several recent conversations both with men and about men regarding their facial hair.

The Movember  movement prompted most of these conversations, the annual November awareness campaign for male medical issues. Several men have carried Movember into December because I guess more hair keeps your face warm when it’s cold. Makes sense.

One conversation went something like this:

Friend 1: “As long as he has that moustache, he doesn’t care about his chances with women.”

Friend 2: “I don’t know, maybe it could be appealing to some women. It could suggest  social position or maturity.”

Me: “I notice sexual attraction didn’t make your list.”

Last night I pinned this on one of my Pinterest boards (my newest way to waste time), which was the final facial hair prompt to compose this post.

Are there really any women in this club? Really? Why?

In a recent interview with Matt Damon, Jon Stewart talked about his own facial hair (another prompt for this post). His daughter responded to his goatee with, “Daddy, your kisses feel like punishment.”

I don’t think that sentiment changes as girls grow up.

So, if there really is a club of women who like beards, is it because they like the feeling of a wire bristled brush? Weird.

It’s a serious question. Are there really women out there who prefer their men not to be clean shaven? Or is this a case where men who want facial hair convince themselves it’s what women want?  Here’s a BYU documentary following this latter demographic, which I suspect is more often the case.

Update: Ends up there are some women with facial hair.