I’m not above exploiting the labor of my 18 month old niece. As part of the family, she needs to learn to pull her own weight once in a while.

A friend of mine is on a spiritual retreat in India. His birthday arrived while he’s been away on this temporary trek. I thought we would bake him a cake, take pictures of it and send the pics to him. Then I remembered my pencil skirts are still too snug thanks to all that pasta and gelato I ate in Italy. I knew I’d eat more than my own share of that cake we would photograph. Instead, I went for plan b and employed the services of my adorable niece to create a cake to celebrate.

(As a general rule, I don’t share photos of my nieces and nephews, not even generally on my Facebook profile. But, I do have pics of this little one up as a baby. I guess I feel like they’re less snatch-able when they’re not that mobile. This will probably be the last time you see this little lady.)

This birthday is a big deal because Seun is in remission from two lethal forms of cancer. The New York Times recently covered his effort to recruit more African Americans to the national bone marrow registry and more importantly, the article includes his work in creating the first ever bone marrow registry in Nigeria. You can find the article, “Finding a Match, and a Mission: Helping Blacks Survive Cancer,” here.

Seun and I were friends long before his diagnosis. He was a tremendous person before cancer changed him, but now I’m even more proud of who he has become. As he has faced the uncertainty of his future, he sees the beauty in every day things that others miss. He has a courage about him that I’ve seen in no other person I’ve known. He wants first to make the world a better place for others. He has a reverence for life happenings that others take for granted. He wasn’t able to find a bone marrow match, but did receive a cord blood transplant and is now in full remission. Check out the article. It’s definitely worth your time.

Recently I asked him about  how he was feeling and he said his immune system was only two years old, so he’s still adjusting. This caused me pause. I didn’t realize that receiving the cord blood from a newly born baby meant that he received the age of its immunity, but that is how it works.

His mention of this is what led me to think that at this point celebrating his birthday is fun, but we really should be celebrating his second chance at life.

His rebirth.

It’s a wonderful cause for celebration.

People often say “everything happens for a reason.” I think they mean to imply that everything happens for a purpose and not just because there was a preceding catalyst. I think they mean that God is causing things like this to happen for our own good. My personal general view is that God created a world where people have free will and where the laws of nature unfold in their course. People commit injustices and disease happens, not necessarily because God singled them out for the “trial,” but because it is part of the human experience. We can come to know Him through mortality’s adversity by seeking the comfort Jesus Christ‘s Atonement provides, if we are willing to receive it. That’s how God makes tragedy fair in the present and in the end. He provides comfort along the way and provides for a triumphal victory when all is said and done. BUT, I can’t help but think that there is a great purpose in Seun’s redirection in life because he’s tremendously talented and capable, having the ability to bring about a bone marrow registry that would benefit not just Africans, but all the world (check out the video with the article where he explains how the diversity in Nigeria could benefit all the gene pool).   He’s already accomplished a great work and he has so much more to do in his life.

I appreciate people in my life who by their friendship, teach me about God.   That’s Seun for me.

Anyway, back to that child exploitation.

I set up an assembly line to put her to work.

She did it all by herself.

That isn’t true.

Viola! Finished.

Don’t worry, she got a nice long break after she submitted her work product.

Tags: "Mormon Church", building eternal relationships, faith in Jesus Christ, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormonism

When my sister and I were little, our Mom made us dresses for Easter every year.We loved them. It was an exciting part of Easter. As we got older, when she was able to provide it, we'd go shopping for them.

Those are fun memories.

This week, I was at Ross to get a few things now necessary because of  my new move.

Of course, I had to browse the dresses.

I've written before about a more mindful approach to my purchasing behavior. When I saw this dress, I just had to have it. I paused wondering if all the lace dresses I've pinned on Pinterest  influenced my want or if I couldn't have lived without it regardless of my virtual pinboard. Still working on that one.

As I went back and forth with how I really  shouldn't buy more clothes because I have plenty, I justified it to maintain tradition.

It's now my Easter dress.

I really like the waistband and the length.

And the pockets.

And I love love love the lace!

I also like how I didn't have to do that much with it to "make it modest" as a Mormon  girl would say. I wear an underclothing as a reminder of my covenant with God. I promised Him to always remember His Son and keep His commandments.  It makes clothing shopping a treasure hunt and a venture in creativity.

Since this underclothing, called  "the garment," has short sleeves and covers cleavage, if I were to have it, I added a brown undershirt to the crème dress. I liked the length because the garment falls a few inches above the knee.

Just a day in the life of the average Mormon woman.

I've written several times about wearing the garment. The post Mormon Underwear: A Constant Personal Reminder to Always Remember Jesus Christ and Keep His Commandments explains the doctrinal background and belief behind the practice. The post MacGyver Groupie and Lengthy Leggings shows some of the attempts to make clothes modest. And the best one was the time when I asked Michael Shermer  a question at Sixth and I about his new book and once he found out I was Mormon, he asked if I "wore the underwear." It's worth checking out: Magic Mormon Underwear Gets a Mention at the Believing Brain Discussion.

This week BuzzFeed reporter McKay Coppins tweeted a conversation between Time magazine columnist Joe Klein and Buzzfeed head honcho Ben Smith.

Speaking of Mitt Romney, Klein said:

 "I don't know what the extent of this is, but I think the fact that he's a Mormon, leads him to be mistrustful about the outside world and what it can handle about him...I think there's something very close to the core of his being on a very personal level, and this is just speculation on my part, to mistrust the rest of the world."

Joe Klein’s analysis of Mitt Romney speaks more to his own mistrustful mindset than it does of Mitt Romney’s.  A Pew study recently found that Mormons are among the most happy and settled of Americans.  They are characteristically optimistic about the world and its possibilities. Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s inspiration for their Broadway hit came from their personal acquaintance with Mormons who seemed to them ready to burst into song at any moment. The theme of Mormon cheerful naivete runs throughout their production. And being a member of the Mormon community myself, I can vouch that we have an optimistic worldview. Because of our view of God as our Father, the possibility of repentance made possible by His Son and how we view the purpose of life and its difficulties, it makes for a doable go at life. Oh, and I almost forgot the strong community support. Friendship expanded with the Holy Ghost makes life very beautiful.

Mormons are, however, on the defense.

It’s not that Romney’s Mormonism, if he’s not a complete outlier from these common trends, makes him mistrustful. It’s that Mormons feel misunderstood by the world around them, which was another finding  from  the Pew study. Here we are enjoying a rich spiritual life and then Robert Jeffress calls us a cult. What?  You can sense my defensiveness in the response to it: Jeffress: Cults–any religious group not Evangelical Christian (Catholics get a backhanded pass).  Klein here represents many in the media who just don’t get religious people, let alone the religious group of the Mormons who are new to the public consciousness. He knows of the cult name calling, he’s heard of the posthumous baptisms and he doesn’t understand it, therefore, he doesn’t trust it.

My take is that Romney carries the optimism characteristic of Mormons. It’s clear in how he talks about America, which he likely uses as a surrogate to talking about his faith. He’s not mistrustful of the world. But because many of the gate keepers to his nomination in the Republican party consider Mormonism a cult and because many in the media that report on him come from secular backgrounds and lack understanding of religious motivation, it’s just a much better strategy not to talk about his faith.

As a Mormon myself, I wouldn’t want Mitt Romney to be elected president just because he is a Mormon. However, I definitely wouldn’t want him to be denied the presidency only because he is Mormon. The same policy goes for candidates’ race and/or gender. Yes, their experiences inform their worldview and it’s important to understand who they are because of it, but let’s be sure we’re not projecting our own mistrust on others instead of accurately understanding what motivates them.

Further, Klein shows more of his mistrust after Ben Smith responds very well to his suspicions. (I wonder if Smith is Jewish, he seems to get the religious approach to life and respect it. If he’s not Jewish, maybe he’s just done his due diligence as a journalist to understand people in his American community. Good for him.)

“Well, there’s the underwear…,‘ Klein says.

Smith draws the very similar comparison to making fun a yamaka. This is something that is deeply meaningful to someone else. It should be respected, whether you value it personally or not.

Wearing the garment for me is similar to taking Communion with me everyday. When I have to go about the demands of daily life where it’s easy to forget God, I have a constant very personal reminder  of my promise to remember Jesus Christ. It’s a tall order to “always” remember Him. (Mosiah 18:9-10) God has provided me tools to be better at my effort. I appreciate it.

In short, I have a rich spiritual life because of the framework the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints provides me. It includes practices, such as wearing the garment, that I’m happy to talk to about when people are respectful about it. Mormons are optimistic about the world and their place in it, but get on the defense when they’re misunderstood. I don’t expect others to suddenly want to adopt the practice themselves, but as citizens of a shared American community, the First Amendment especially requires we respect others’ pursuits of conscience. When members of the media, such as Joe Klein, misunderstand religious communities and their motivations, it creates a glaring blindspot in their competency as journalists.  May he bring himself up to speed  if a Mormon is in the next general presidential election.

From this blog about Mormon Temples 

Mormon Temple Wedding: A Ceremony Centered in Christ

"What's in a Name?" A Whole-lotta Faith in Jesus Christ

Tags: "Mormon Church", Are Mormons Christians, building eternal relationships, faith in Jesus Christ, magic mormon underwear, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormon Underwear, Mormonism

"He has great taste," my friend said before we began yesterday's leadership meeting.

"I picked it out," I replied. I had just told her that Steve, a man I taught as a full time missionary, bought me the dress for my birthday I was wearing. It’s probably one of my new favs.

It's a Shabby Apple dress. Some Latter-day Saint business women run this company. Turns out there’s a market for stylish modest clothes.

You can find previous posts about how Mormons wear a special underclothing as a reminder of their covenant to remember Jesus Christ at:

 Magic Mormon Underwear Gets a Mention at the Believing Brain Discussion

 Mormon Underwear: A Constant Personal Reminder to Always Remember Jesus Christ and Keep His Commandments

MacGyver Groupie and Lengthy Leggings

This dress is called Overboard and can be found here. It doesn't come with the belt pictured.

I got this red belt at a BYU lost and found sale for $2.00. I'm just waiting for the day when some BYU grad (there are many in the DC area) reveals they lost one just like it.

Several people at Church independent of each other told me that I looked like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. The married missionary couple said it, the ward clerk and my friend who is "investigating” as we call it when someone is considering joining also mentioned it.

I was going more for the Fourth of July picnic in the middle of winter look, but whatev.

Remembering teaching Steve makes me smile.

An area leader came to our mission and promised us that if we contacted all the "part member families" in the ward, then by Christmas (in 6 weeks), we'd be teaching someone who would accept the restored gospel.

My companion and I prayed diligently in every single prayer, which as a missionary is a whole lotta prayers, that we could realize that promise in our little part of the vineyard.

Our ward clerk printed a list of everyone who did not have a member spouse.  Then we went about outreaching to people on the list.

I'll never forget that day. Steve says he knew “it was over” when he saw us walking up because he felt it in his heart. We had no clue. At this point lots of people had shot us down, but we kept praying and kept inviting. We believed someone would be ready.

He had been taught by Sister missionaries years before, which is how he came into the Church. He had gone "less active" as we call it when someone has been baptized and quits participating in the community of Christ.  He was even an ordained high priest and served in that capacity for years before going less active. Being a high priest and walking away is a big deal to Mormons. Because such a person has a great deal of knowledge, God will hold them accountable to that knowledge.

Bishops had visited him many times before to invite him back and so did other missionaries. To put it politely, he wasn’t very nice to them.

Now was his time.

I asked if we could teach him the missionary lessons. Gruffly, he said he already knew the lessons—he even used to teach them himself.

"Then we can teach each other," I replied.

“There's no point in me going to Church because I'm not worthy to take the Sacrament,” he said.

"Then you can become worthy," I replied.

The Sacrament to a Latter-day Saint is a sacred ordinance reminding us of the body and blood of Christ. It renews the baptismal commitment to always remember Jesus Christ and keep the commandments. If you quit keeping commandments, you are to abstain from the Sacrament until you realign yourself with them.

Steve said he was drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, both are against the health code we believe is revealed from God for our time.

He agreed to have us back.

When we returned we were prepared to invite him to quit coffee right away and in later visits we planned to work with him on the cigs.

It was a Sunday when we came back. I was the one that invited him to stop drinking coffee.   He said he would and that he would stop smoking, too, and if he could stop smoking by Wednesday, he'd be to Church on Sunday.

I wish I had a picture of our faces. I hope I get to see that at judgement when my life is reviewed. We were surprised to say the least.

I asked if he was sure.

He was.

And he did.

Now he serves in the Dallas Temple every Saturday.

It was his time.

And we did find a part member family that we were teaching by Christmas and who later received the gospel by baptism. Well, they found us. We wouldn't have otherwise found them because they weren't on our list, but that's another story.

I have lived over and over in my life that when we exercise faith through prayer, the Lord gives us spiritual power to bring about His goodness.

As I've mentioned before, God is really good at connecting people who should meet at the right time if we but exercise faith in Him. He works according to our faith.

I believe that a modern prophet prayed about where I should be called as a missionary and by the spirit of prophecy, I was sent to connect with certain people at the right time and invite them to come unto Christ and receive the restored gospel.

I’m not feigning modesty when I say it’s amazing to see it’s God working through me. Realizing answers to prayers isn’t because I have stored up awesome-ness. It’s God. But I do have a part in preparing myself to be His messenger.

Feeling the power of God move through me has forever changed my life. It motivates me to continue seeking after Him.

As I do, I meet  people like Steve.

That makes life oh so good.

Tags: "Mormon Church", Are Mormons Christians, building eternal relationships, faith in Jesus Christ, God is our loving Heavenly Father, magic mormon underwear, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormon Missions, Mormon Underwear

Life's purpose is to increase in spiritual power by the cultivation of faith in God.

I make sense of the purpose of life through the framework of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  One of its tenets includes the pre-mortal existence of mankind in the presence of God, "For I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken, spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth...for in heaven created I them"[1]. In this state, we had a consciousness of the goodness of God and accepted the transition to a mortal existence. Since early Sunday School, children learn that the purpose of life is to come to earth to get a natural body and gain experience by
learning and growth. I have heard this narrative so many times it is now trite and serves me little in trying to make sense of life's purpose. Therefore, I emphasize different aspects of revealed teachings to create my own guide. I center it in the development of faith in Jesus Christ. Joseph Smith, who I accept as a prophet equivalent to Abraham, Noah, Moses or Peter, taught that faith is a principle of power, "But faith is not only the principle of action, but of power also, in all intelligent beings, whether in heaven or on earth".[2] I believe for those God first created spiritually to increase in power, He designed an environment for them to exercise faith.

My own efforts to develop faith independent of my parents began as a teenager.  After months and months of spiritual searching in prayer and scripture study, I received a powerful spiritual experience through the Holy Ghost that confirmed to me the existence of God and His awareness and concern for me. It increased my confidence to continue to outreach to Him and I not infrequently received further assurances.  As a full time missionary for almost two years, my faith expanded as I received immediate answers to my prayers. As my faith in Jesus Christ swelled, I felt the spiritual power of which Joseph Smith spoke and had a strong sense of the purpose of life. Then, at some undetected point, I entered a new phase of a development of faith.

God turned Deist on me, or at least He seemed to deal with me more like a clockmaker who set His world in motion and declines to intervene in its happenings. Without deviating from my usual efforts of prayer, scripture study and meaningful worship, I sometimes feel like God leaves me alone.  I am sure of His existence and do not believe His concern for me has changed, but He has provided fewer and less immediate assurances to me of His involvement. At this same time, I have become more mindful of life's inequalities and tragedies. Often the self absorbed enjoy the comforts of marriage and family when the best swallow the pains of loneliness and neglect. Sometimes the promiscuous produce unwanted children when committed married couples taste the emptiness of infertility. Some inattentive parents overlook their children when involved parents bury theirs. The Mississippi overcomes homes, tornados demolish an Alabama town when tsunamis engulf and kill thousands in Japan. And some of the most admirable people in my life suffer with cancer when others live superficially, seeking to be incessantly entertained. Where is God? Is He still far removed?

This is the wrestling phase of my faith's development and I see it as key in the purpose of my life; the cultivation of faith and the increase of spiritual power. This is where I have come to better know God.[3] My faith is not irrational. Every day it is a decision. I analyze the evidence available to me and  form a conclusion. Though I may feel little or no reciprocation from Him, I choose to piece together many past assurances from Him and choose to continue in trust.  Life's purpose is to increase in spiritual power by the cultivation of faith in God. This comes not in the instant gratification to prayer requests or in knowing that every life question has a direct answer.  It is also not in the perfectly equivalent servings of blessings based on faithfulness.  Faith and therefore spiritual power comes by wrestling before God. It is in having just as many reasons to withdraw my reach to Him and walk away, but in choosing to increase confidence in Him, even when I feel He leaves me alone. The purpose of life is to have the opportunity and the right to walk away and the deliberate choice to stay. In that, there is spiritual power.

Life's purpose is to change from selfishness to godliness.

By faith, I participate in the process of exterminating the rats within me.  C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity, "If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly.  But the suddenness does not create the rats:  it only prevents them from hiding." In the times of my life when God has been very quick to answer me, I was less aware of the existence of any rats. They were easily hid when I decided to open the cellar. When I have felt God leave me alone is when the cellar door has been thrown open. It has been then I can see my impatience, sense of entitlement or my self-pity.  The purpose of life is to access the power of God by faith to change these rats to their inverse form, patience, gratitude and humility.  The purpose of life is to provide me with the opportunity to use the power of God to diminish my ego and to have repeated opportunity to avoid re-inflating it. The purpose of life is to draw on God's power by faith to have the secret imaginations of my heart be infused with virtue and integrity, rather than self-aggrandizement or pride.  As I increase in faith in God, I feel empowered to be open, authentic, discerning and giving and I welcome God's all-searching eye to pierce my heart.

This process is both deeply inward looking and interdependent on the people around me. If I were to withdraw from the world into a lonely cave, I may be able to dig out the rats of the dark secrets of my own heart, but how will I have opportunity to develop compassion, patience and kindness?  How will I share in the grief of a close friend who lost their brother or help relieve the burden of someone devastated by a natural disaster?  The purpose of life is to draw on the power of God by faith to turn from selfishness to godliness.  I cannot accomplish such a tremendous change. It only comes as I consistently outreach to God to endow me with such power. The power to change comes by faith.

Life's purpose is to build eternal relationships.

I was beginning to ponder the meaning of life when I was assigned "sealings" on my bimonthly shift at the Washington, D.C. Temple.  Because of the belief that each person on the earth must receive gospel ordinances administered by God's priesthood authority, Latter-day Saints perform proxy ordinances in the Temple for the deceased, which will take effect only if accepted on the other side by the person passed away. Unique to Latter-day Saint belief is that God intended marriage to endure beyond the grave and this authority to "bind on earth and binds in heaven" has been restored in our time.[4] I was not paying close attention to those in the sealing room as we administered the sealing ordinance for deceased people, but one fellow Temple worker joked about the meaning of life.  My attention turned quickly to him, thinking it was curious this topic would come up when I was deeply considering it. He had asked the question in jest and another Temple worker responded with a playful point. Then the responder became serious saying, "I think the meaning of life is embedded in this ordinance." It took me back because it opened my mind to a thought I had yet to consider. The best way to increase in the power of faith is to live in a covenant relationship with God, which happens when two people agree to live in marriage.  In marriage, there could be  many reasons to withdraw and walk away, but when they choose to increase in confidence and trust in each other and in God, even when they feel left alone, they deepen in their commitment and are positioned to see an increase in faith and power. In building a marriage that will last beyond the grave, each person has to draw on the power of God by faith to change selfishness to godliness because their weaknesses are heightened as they deeply affect another person. Sacrifice in marriage inherently invites the increase of power by faith to become more like God.  In this way, we can better know Him. We are brought closer to Him as we become more like Him in the sharing of His power by faith.  The purpose of life is to build eternal relationships.

The purpose of life is to wrestle with God, become more like Him and create and nourish relationships that extend through the plains of eternity.  I want to live my life aligned with these purposes so that I can live with peace.  It first starts with my mind and my heart.

What do you think?  Does life have a purpose? If so, how do you view and explain it?

Tags: "Mormon Church", building eternal relationships, faith in Jesus Christ, mind and heart, mormon beliefs, Mormon Temple, putting off the natural man through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, romantic love, Temple marriage, truth seekers

“Who Shall Ascend into the Hill of the Lord?” Open Access with Preparation

Just this last week a friend of mine told me about her friend’s friend’s description of their exclusion from a Latter-day Saint Temple wedding ceremony. (How’s that for degrees of separation?) This friend of a friend of a friend said he had to wait outside the Temple because he was “unclean.” It was a joke at which both my friend and I laughed because that’s not  how Latter-day Saints view it. If I had to choose one word describing those waiting outside the Temple during a wedding ceremony, it wouldn’t be “unclean,” it would be “uncovenanted.”

Latter-day Saints believe that in every “dispensation” in which God has dispensed the gospel of Jesus Christ, He has made a covenant with His people designed to instruct them of His nature.  In the Old Testament, Jeremiah records the Lord’s description of the ancient covenant,

“But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people” (Jeremiah 31:33).

This covenant relationship is no longer limited to only the Jews as it was in ancient times.  Now anyone can be adopted into the “House of Israel.” The covenant relationship begins at the first ordinance, which is “baptism by immersion for the remission of sins by one with authority.”  Though baptisms are open to the public, later ordinances of the covenant akin to baptism are administered in sacred “Temples.”  Temples are open to anyone willing to (1) be baptized by restored authority into Jesus Christ’s modern Church (2) live God’s commandments like keeping the Sabbath day holy and observing the Law of Chastity and (3) strengthen their commitment to God by making further covenants. So God’s covenant is no longer limited to the Jews only, but in order to enter the “House of the Lord” also known as a  Temple, you have to willingly enter into a modern covenant relationship with Him. This often means many friends and family members do not observe Temple wedding ceremonies.:(

In a sense, every time a missionary knocks on someone’s door, it is an invitation to the Temple. However, no one is entitled to enter the “House of the Lord” without first spiritually preparing. We are guest in His home and He sets the guidelines.

(Photo of the Washington, D.C. Temple  from Chance Hammock Photography)

Chapels are Different than Temples

Latter-day Saints hold weekly Sunday services and social events in chapels. These are open to the public. Here’s a video describing the logistics of a Latter-day Saint worship service. Temples are special, sacred spaces where Latter-day Saints make covenants with God and seek personal revelation. In a similar way to how the ancient covenant people did not speak the name of God to show Him respect, Latter-day Saints reverence the ordinances of the Temple by not speaking of them casually. Material posted online and else where depicting specifics of Temple ordinances is highly offensive to a Latter-day Saint.

Prerequisite Covenant to the Marriage Covenant. What Does the Covenant Include?

A covenant ceremony, called the endowment, precedes the covenant of marriage. The following is a modern prophet’s description of what the covenant includes in the endowment:

“In the Temples of our Lord we learn obedience.  We learn sacrifice. We make the vows of chastity and have our lives consecreated to holy purposes” (President James E. Faust “Who Shall Ascend into the Hill of the Lord.” August 2001 Ensign).

This covenant requires us to access the Atonement of Jesus Christ to change the desire of our hearts.  A modern Apostle describes this process as:

To have our hearts changed by the Holy Spirit such that "we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually" (Mosiah 5:2), as did King Benjamin's people, is the covenant responsibility we have accepted. This mighty change is not simply the result of working harder or developing greater individual discipline. Rather, it is the consequence of a fundamental change in our desires, our motives, and our natures made possible through the Atonement of Christ the Lord. Our spiritual purpose is to overcome both sin and the desire to sin, both the taint and the tyranny of sin“

(Elder David A. Bednar “Clean Hands and Pure Heart, Nov 2007).

Mormon Temples Made Simple YouTube video describes well Temple practices in a respectful way.

Marriage is the Crowning Covenant in the Temple

The crowning covenant with God in the Temple is the marriage promise to care for another in a selfless, Christlike way. Latter-day Saints believe that God intended marriage to extend beyond the grave. Adam and Eve were married in their immortal state prior to the Fall and their ability to die (Genesis 2:23-24). The book of Matthew records the “power to bind on earth and in heaven” was given to Peter (16:18-19). Since God’s authority to administer ordinances was lost from the earth with the death of the Apostles, He restored this power in our time (Doc & Cov 128:9-10). If the couple is true to each other and to God, they will remain married after death.

Because of the sanctity of the Temple, photography isn’t permitted.  Wedding pictures are usually taken outside. Here are a few of my friend, Brittany’s, wedding. (She met her husband, Paul, on an internship in Denmark from her D.C. area school.)

Centered in Christ at the Altar of Sacrifice

I’ve attended several wedding ceremonies in the Temple.  They are incredibly beautiful.  The rooms are typically small and attendance is limited to preserve its sanctity and avoid making it too much of a social event. The couple kneels at an altar, facing each other and holding hands as the “sealer” performs the ceremony. The altar represents personal sacrifice to God and the ultimate sacrifice of Christ. When Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden and were gradually learning the steps back to God’s presence, they were commanded to offer a lamb in sacrifice to look forward to Christ’s Atonement (Moses 5:5-8). Ancient Israel also offered animal sacrifice, but as they fell away from the truth they became too focused on the form, rather than pointing their minds to the Savior. Because the people in the Book of Mormon left Jerusalem about 600 B.C., they also had the Law of Moses. It is clear from this record that the animal sacrifices were drawn to point their minds to the coming of Jesus Christ (Mosiah 13:28-35).

After Christ fulfilled His Atonement, He commanded the discontinuance of animal sacrifices and instead required a “broken heart and contrite spirit” (3 Nephi 9:19-20). As a couple kneels across the altar, face to face, holding hands, they are to offer this to God as they enter into a covenant with Him and each other.

A Latter-day Saint marriage ceremony is centered in Christ.

Maybe a Ring Ceremony, Usually a Paartaaay

Latter-day Saint couples often hold a reception to celebrate their union. These are not held in the Temple. Because only covenanted people observe the Temple marriage ceremony, many Latter-day Saint couples hold a ring ceremony at their reception hall (exchanging rings is not a part of the Temple ceremony). At a ring ceremony, a couple may design a program that involves all of their well wishers.

Here are a few pics of Brittany and Paul’s reception.

Unity in Marriage

I have many friends who move in together prior to marriage.  Even my new favorite royals, “Wills & Kate” lived together for years before finally marrying. If my friends aren’t religious, it’s normal in my mind for them to move in with their significant other once they feel a sense of longevity. However, as mentioned previously, Latter-day Saints covenant to live God’s Law of Chastity which is only to have sexual relations with your spouse. We do this simply because God commands it, but there are obvious benefits. In doing this, we prepare ourselves to create a unifying bond with someone special that will deepen loyalty and devotion. It is beyond my ability to imagine sharing something so special with someone who had yet to decide they wanted to keep me forever. Breaking up is hard enough without creating such strong emotional bonds without the foundation to support them. (I’ve written about this topic on this blog several times, including Mormons and Sex: Living the Law of Chastity and others.) God has commanded union in marriage and sexuality is part of the process, but the union is more than physical. Emotional, spiritual, mental and physical unity is built through a lifetime of kindness, love, sacrifice, admiration, appreciation, hard work, synergy, cooperation, obedience, faith, grace, sanctification and more. A modern prophet describes the command to be united in marriage as:

“The Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, said of those who would be part of His Church: ‘Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine’ (Doc & Cov 38:27). And at the creation of man and woman, unity for them in marriage was not given as hope; it was a command! ‘Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). Our Heavenly Father wants our hearts to be knit together. That union in love is not simply an ideal. It is a necessity. . . . The Savior of the world spoke of that unity and how we will have our natures changed to make it possible. He taught it clearly in the prayer He gave in His last meeting with His Apostles before His death. That supernally beautiful prayer is recorded in the book of John. He was about to face the terrible sacrifice for all of us that would make eternal life possible. He was about to leave the Apostles whom He had ordained, whom He loved, and with whome He would leave the keys to lead His Church. And so He prayed to His Father, the perfect Son to the perfect Parent. We see in His words the way families will be made one, as will all the children of our Heavenly Father who follow the Savior and His servants: “As thou hast sent me into the world, even so have I also sent them into the world. And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth. Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me’ (John 17:18-21). In those few words He made clear how the gospel of Jesus Christ can allow hearts to be made one. Those who would believe the truth He taught could accept the ordinances and the covenants offered by His authorized servants. Then, through obedience to those ordinances and covenants, their natures would be changed. The Savior’s Atonement in that way makes it possible for us to be sanctified. We can live in unity, as we must to have peace in this life and to dwell with the Father and His Son in eternity” (Elder Henry B. Eyring Ensign, May 1998, 66).

Is it too much to say that Mormons are incredibly romantic?

God designed love stories with eternal possibilities. Your love story can be eternal through the power of Jesus Christ and living His restored gospel. Latter-day Saints live in a way to write their own eternal love stories in partnership with God.

“Why We Build Temples”

Frequently Asked Questions about Temple Marriage Ceremonies written for Latter-day Saints

Frequently Asked Questions about Temple Marriage Ceremonies written for people unfamiliar with Latter-day Saint belief

“The Blessings of the Temple” YouTube video

Check out Brittany’s amazing blog: The House That Lars Built 

The picture of the Washington, DC Temple was taken by Chance Hammock. Check out his work.

Tags: building eternal relationships, faith in Jesus Christ, family, friends, God's law of chastity, modern prophets, mormon beliefs, Mormon Temple, Mormon Temple Ceremony, Mormons and marriage, Mormons and Sex, personal revelation, Restoration, romantic love, sealing power, Temple marriage, Temple ordinances

“Excuse me, is that your bag?”

Is this phrase burned into your psyche? No? That could only be possible if you don’t ride the DC metro rail system where the perky recorded woman’s voice asks us to quiz our fellow commuters when we see any unattended bags.  We’re all fighting terrorism together. So if you “see something, say something.”

There are other DC metro rail practices. For example, don’t be an “esca-lefter.” This means if you are standing on the escalator, stand on the right to allow those walking up a left side passage. Tourists have a difficult time with this one. If you come to visit, remember conformity to social norms isn’t always something you should resist.

You guessed it. I’m not an escalator stander. And I especially feel like a champion when I’m not a stander at the Rosslyn metro stop. That escalator is a tremendous beast and it’s a definite stroke to my ego when I trek up the left side the whole way up.  Just this last week a white bearded cheery man standing on the right….ahem, as I left him in my dust…said to his companion, “here comes someone with energy!” I flashed him the most sugary smile I could muster at the moment.

You see, I’m one of those former high school athletes that still has the heart of a champion, but sits in front of a computer for about 8 hrs a day, not realizing those days are long since passed until I try to bust it out like the good old days and end up heaving for air.  When I knock it out on the metro, I reassure myself “I still got it!”

Get the logic?

Get that it’s my ego?

Yeah, that’s an easy one to call, but the problem with the ego is that often others can see it when you can’t. That’s why Christianity often describes pride as causing blindness.  It doesn’t make everyone blind, though, just you. Heads up.

It revolutionized my life and my spirituality when I started to be aware of my ego and my weaknesses. Once I was able to be aware of them, I could start to work on changing them.

The closer I’ve gotten to Christ, the more convicted I am by my weaknesses. But, the Holy Spirit provides enabling power to do things that I wouldn’t be able to do on my own. It’s amazing how the Lord makes demanding requirements of us and then gives us the power to meet the requirement’s demands.

As I personally engage in this ongoing process, I have to “dig deeper” like Shaun T says in those Insanity videos. (It’s a great workout and I love the powerjacks.) Digging deeply inside myself makes me better aware of who I am and helps me understand more of who I can become as I access the power of Christ‘s Atonement in my life.

And my favorite part about it is it makes me more secure because I view myself more as a work-in-progress rather than in need of masking imperfections. This makes me better able to give of myself in relationships that are important to me. Because of digging deeply and working with the Lord on my weaknesses, I see others more for their potential and increase in patience and admiration for them. It also makes it difficult to offend me. And I love that.

This week in my Religion and Politics in the U.S. class, we discussed New Age religion. The book we read, What Really Matters by Tony Schwartz described some retreats where people purge themselves of repressed emotions by specific practices. I thought it was fascinating and wanted to discover any of my own repressed emotions, so I can liberate them, but I was skeptical of the sweeping claim.  I told the class I was doubtful that in several weekends, you could identify years of repressed emotions and get over them, if you really wanted to. My classmate who is a man in his upward 60′s responded saying he had done such weekend retreats and in several weekends you can have cathartic experiences that reveal all your repressed emotions. The caveat was you have to go in willing to submit yourself to the process. He said it’s important to do such activities in groups because you can often see yourself and your weaknesses in other’s behavior and personalities. Now that’s being willing to lay aside your ego. It was a much softer and humbler side of this man than I anticipated was present in him.

It would be tremendously easier to remain on the surface of myself and with the world, but I find that intensely dissatisfying. How do people live their whole life without searching for deeper meaning? Do they feel numb instead of alive? The American economic model lends well to superficial living, materially, emotionally and spiritually. It takes work to go a different direction.

Digging deeper is a much better way to live. I highly recommend it.

But I’m not ready to give up feeling like a champion dominating the Rosslyn metro escalator. If you see me coming, be sure to stand on the right and make room for my ego.

Tags: building eternal relationships, emotional literacy, faith in Jesus Christ, grace of God, mormon cult, truth seekers

Did you know that the Bible reports of others resurrected after Christ?  I don’t recall ever hearing anyone talk about this, but it’s so appropo during the Easter season.

“And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many” (Matthew 27:52:53).

I wonder who they were. I’d guess that Abraham, Noah and Moses would have made the short list. I’d nominate Isaiah for His witness of Christ and include Job for His testimony of the resurrection and ironclad faithfulness. If it were up to me, I’d also throw in Ruth, Sarah, Leah and Rebekah just to have some women representation, but maybe that’s my modern view of equality of the sexes. Come to think of it, Latter-day Saints believe resurrection becomes a family affair, so I bet every prophet who was resurrected also enjoyed the resurrected companionship of his wife.

During the Savior’s post-resurrection visit to the Americas, He chastized a prophet named Nephi for not including a 40+ year old prophesy about how others would be resurrected in America after His own resurrection:

“Verily I say unto you, I commanded my servant, Samuel, the Lamanite, that he should testify unto this people, that at the day that the Father should glorify his name in me that there are many saints who should arise from the dead, and should appear unto many, and should minister unto them. And he said unto them: Was it not so? And his disciples answered him and said: Yea, Lord Samuel did prophesy according to thy words, and they were all fulfilled. And Jesus said unto them: How be it that ye have not written this thing, that many saints did arise and appear unto many and did minister unto them? And it came to pass that Nephi remembered that this thing had not been written. And it came to pass that Jesus commanded that it should be written; therefore it was written according as he commanded” (3 Nephi 23:9-13).

Talk about being called on the spot for not doing your homework!:)

It seems it was important to Christ that people knew others were resurrected after Him.  I wonder why we don’t talk about it more in the Church and why the broader Christian community doesn’t seem to highlight the Bible reference.

Huh.

Anyways,

Moroni was the final prophet writer of the Book of Mormon. He buried the record in about 421 A.D.. When he appeared to Joseph Smith to direct him to the location of the hidden record, it was as a resurrected man (JSH 1:30, 32).

I wonder just how many people have already overcome death by the reception of their glorified body. That’s incredible just trying to fathom the concept. Whew.

Tags: "Mormon Church", Book of Mormon, building eternal relationships, happiness, Joseph Smith, resurrection

There were 2 triggers for this post

One was a recent “fifth Sunday” lesson where the Bishop of my ward talked to the women about dating.  He had already addressed the topic with the men on a preceding Sunday.  Among other things, there was talk about not coasting through our twenties and something about the men being intimidated that many of the women are working on advanced degrees.  He also delivered a collective message from the brethren that women should flirt more. He asked us for feedback of ways to improve the dating action. Of course, I had a contribution, but that will be forthcoming in a full post.  One sister, I’m not sure who, said something about how many women in our ward “don’t need a man” and if they don’t need a man, then men aren’t going to be interested.  I’m paraphrasing. This was over a month ago.  So I could be doing her a disservice in my story telling, but that was the general gist.

The other trigger was the previously mentioned New York Times article, “Single, Female, Mormon, Alone.” In it, the author tries to identify the issue causing her to be unmarried far beyond her desired time. A man overhears her dating woes and informs her of her problem:

"Your problem," he said, "is you don't need a man.

"I thought that was a good thing -- to be able to take care of oneself. He asked if I had a job.

"Yes." "A car?"

"Yes.""A house?"

"Yes."

"Clothes?"

"Of course.

"Food?"

"Obviously."

"That's your problem."

"Excuse me?"

"Men in the church are raised to be providers. We are the breadwinners, the stewards of the household. If you have all the things we're supposed to provide, we have nothing to give you."

"What of love?" I asked. "What of intimacy and partnership and making a run at the world together?"

"Nope," he said. "We're providers."

This man, if he isn’t merely the creation of the author, is a moron. That’s moron, not Mormon. Well, he’s depicted as a Mormon. That would make him a moronic Mormon.  I’m usually the last person to label insufficient intelligence. As an educator by training, I see great potential in everyone’s mental capabilities, but this man has impaired judgement.

I know of no man in the Church with whom I am friends that would think when he meets a woman, “I could really put a roof over her head” or “I could give that woman my money.” Men usually think first of physical attraction or find some measure of kindness appealing.  And men need love and companionship just as women do. This utilitarian idea that men in the Church have nothing left to give if a woman’s physical needs are met is simply erroneous.  Now a man may be intimidated if a woman makes more money than he does, but a normal Mormon man would not be deterred from a woman if he liked her and she was financially providing for herself.  Wouldn’t it be a red flag if she wasn’t providing for herself?  If not a red flag, it would at least be unappealing.  Living off the parents past the late twenties would likely indicate some lack of motivation in other areas of life too.

My core needs would best be met by the right man, but…

Do I need a man?  I’m fiercely independent, competent and smart and I have reliable friends and an excellent family. But I do need a man, the right man.

It’s funny to me that my Facebook conversations are bleeding over into my blog posts.  After a recent snow in Virginia where I shoveled off the walkways to the house my roommates and I rent, I posted as my status:“In a perfect world, every household would come with a man who takes it upon himself to shovel snow, so his woman doesn’t have to do it.” It prompted some remarks about the woman’s best place is in the kitchen and then some responses to that about women working along side their husbands.  I really enjoyed the entertainment.  That’s why I like Facebook. The bantering keeps me interested and I can’t anticipate what will rise up out of my closed community of friends. Anyway, my point is, my choice in status showed some of my need for a good man in my life.  I was perfectly capable of removing the snow and actually I won’t stop taking it upon myself to do such chores in the event I share a household with a husband.  But, it’s because I’m competent and I CAN do many things on my own that I want someone to help relieve some of the responsibility. I feel the need to share.

Some of my other needs:

• I need to feel special and important.
• I need to feel heard.
• I need to feel appreciated, admired and cherished.
• I need to be spiritually deepened and renewed.
• I need to express and receive love.
• I need to feel like I’m in control of my own decisions and happiness.
• I need to be mentally engaged.
• I need to feel like I’m progressing.
• I need to feel safe.

PS

I also need a library with my own books that I can mark up as much as I want.  I’ll be in need of a ladder.

Tags: building eternal relationships, God is our loving Heavenly Father

Do you agree that men are like blowtorches and women are like ovens?

This Facebook conversation prompted this post:

“[MollyMormon] considers it such good manners for men to smell delicious on the metro.”

Brandon:  feeling a bit peckish are we?

Me: By peck, do you mean ranking people in social class? I’m not one to rank people into hierarchies, but I am one to appreciate good hygiene.:)

Brandon: hehe, actually i was going off of your use of “delicious” and using peckish as in hungry or feeling snacky.

Me: Haha, no. That kind of hunger in women, at least this woman, is the fruit of some kind of emotional draw resulting from admiration and some degree of trust. I’ve never been hungry for a stranger. The thought is completely foreign to me. I should begin polling other women to see if they feel similarly. Maybe at Church this Sunday.:)

Brandon: hehe, well wouldn’t that be a biased group to ask, unless you’re only interested in lds women

Me: yeah, I’d be interested in those who are trying to live the Law of Chastity. I guess that doesn’t limit it only to LDS women, but that’d be the most accessible for my time. I’ll just plan on passing around a survey during Relief Society.:)

Brandon: hehe, i’d love to hear the results… if it works well, i’ll send copies to my friends in other parts of the nation… see if there’s a regional factor. (wow, i’m really sounding like a nerd)

Me: ooo, maybe I could create a blog post with a survey. That would have a nationwide access…:)

Brandon: yeah, as long as you don’t limit acess to the blog.

Me: http://mormoninsider.com/ access is public I really was kidding this whole time, but I’m liking this idea..

Brandon: oh, so you were playing to my nerdiness… i see how you work young lady

Me: My dear Brandon, but you make it so fun!

A.L.: lol – [MollyMormon], is the question whether or not we’ll swoon for a guy we don’t know that smells like heaven (I would say yes, pretty much every girl will as long as the ‘type’ factor is there, altho it definitely helps their appeal if it isn’t), or if we’re ever hungry for a stranger? Two totally different things – one is attraction, the other…well, lust. I can’t say I’ve never lusted (Mormon style) after a stranger…especially if the ‘type’ and heavenly scent factors are there!

“Men Are Like Blowtorches, Women are Like Ovens”

“Men Are Like Blowtorches, Women are Like Ovens” is chapter 10  in John Gray’s book, Mars and Venus on a Date. I read this over Christmas break.  I want to be as emotionally healthy as possible and I believe emotional literacy makes that more achievable for me. Reading publications regarding relationships opens a whole new world of self awareness for me. It becomes a starting point of things I want to figure out about myself and if given the opportunity, that I can understand about another person. This  in turn makes me much better able to extend myself emotionally to someone in a dating relationship and also helps me navigate better my other valued relationships, namely my family, friends, colleagues and members of my congregation. I recommend this book.  It’s a good starting point, though I’m conscious of the generalizing.

After this Facebook exchange, I realized my thought of never being hungry for a stranger was connected to what I read in this book. Its concepts were spot on with my own experience.

Dr. Gray described the stages of attraction as follows:

Level One for Men: Physical Attraction: “A woman needs to remember that even if he does not know anything about her except how she looks, he will suddenly start to feel physically attracted. His attraction has nothing to do with who this women is, nor does it reflect a willingness or desire to know her or have a relationship with her. He only wants to see more, touch more, and feel more”

Level Two for Men: Emotional Attraction: “When a man feels emotional chemistry, he feels friendly and affectionate toward a woman not just because he feels physically attracted; he wants to be close because he likes her as well. Emotional chemistry has a lot to do with a person’s personality. Personality is how you relate to the world and others.”

Level Three for Men: Mental Attraction: “By exercising discernment and choosing only to date women he is attracted to physically and emotionally, a man begins to develop mental attraction. He is intrigued by a woman and wants to touch who she is and not just her body. He is not just attracted to her physically, nor does he just enjoy being friends with her. In level three he is attracted to her character as well. He is fascinated by the way she thinks, the way she feels, and the way she conducts her life.”

Level Four for Men: Soul Attraction: “Continuing to exercise his growing discernment by choosing to date only women who attract him on all three levels–physical, emotional and mental–a man begins to realize his ability to feel soul attraction. When he reaches level four, his heart opens.”

Level One for Women: Mental Attraction: “Women are first attracted to men in their minds. A woman imagines what a man is like and is attracted to something in his character…she needs only date those men she finds most interesting.”

I think this is why LDS women in very preliminary stages often imagine if they could be married to the person.  It seems crazy because she doesn’t know the man, but it’s a way of determining if there can be potential.

Level Two for Women: Emotional Attraction: “At this level a woman is attracted to a man’s personality.”

Level Three for Women: Physical Attraction: “At this level, when a man holds her hand, puts his arm around her, or gives her a kiss, a lot of physical attraction is felt. Just as a man at level one longs to  touch, a woman at level three longs to be touched.”

Level Four for Women: Soul Attraction: “She is able to fall in love with a man who has stimulated her on all four levels of attraction. She reaches level four, soul attraction, with her heart open…her open heart makes her capable of seeing the good in her partner, even though he is neither perfect nor able to fulfill all her needs.”

Unhealthy emotional chemistry (this section is in the back of the book, not in chapter 10)

Warning Signals of Unhealthy Chemistry in Women “She feels sexually attracted to a man right away. This is a sign that she is reacting to her expectation of who this man is, not the man himself. Before acting on this chemistry, she needs to make sure they have moved through the first three stages.”

Warning Signals of Unhealthy Chemistry in Men “He gets involved because a woman puts pressure on him, but he doesn’t feel a sexual attraction. She may even assure him that it will develop over time. While a woman’s sexual feelings do develop over time, a man tends to feel it from the start or not at all.” p. 367

These descriptions are consistent with my experience.  In hindsight, I can see I made the mistake described in the unhealthy chemistry section, which is really embarrassing now. However,  normally I don’t feel a strong physical attraction until stage 3. I’m wondering if Dr. Gray’s generalizations apply to more than myself and my friend whose initials are shown as “A.L.”

Since it’s taking me too long to insert a quiz, we’ll just use the comment section. You are welcome to remain anonymous.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Generally speaking the levels of attraction as described by Dr. Gray are consistent with my personal experience.

Tags: building eternal relationships, dating, emotional literacy, Mormons and dating, Mormons and Sex