Last night I was frustrated.

It all started on my metro ride home when I was thinking about the things I needed to do for the evening. Before I could get to them, I thought, I need to address unresolved tasks for my Church calling (responsibility) that I had worked on tying up on Sunday, but couldn’t connect with the people I needed. I’d called them several times since. I also emailed them. I hadn’t heard back.

As I walked home, calling one back and again reaching only a voicemail, I was getting more miffed.

They had approached me at Church for something they needed my help with so they could fulfill their calling.  I went through the work of doing just what they asked for and now they weren’t returning my calls? I know you love your smart phone, show it some love and use it to call me.  It feels like such a waste to keep trying and not getting results for the same issue. Everyone’s busy, I know, but couldn’t they take 30 seconds and compose a text, at least? Go ahead, I have unlimited texting. If it was more of a priority for them, they’d respond to me. These thoughts all ran through my head.

Then this morning I was listening to this talk as I was getting ready for the day (there’s nothing like listening to a modern prophet’s voice while doing your make-up). This talk was directed to priesthood holders and their responsibility for service, but like most of the time, the content of the talk sometimes isn’t what does it, but it’s seeking to learn more of God through that scripture puts my mind in the state to receive messages from Him through the Holy Ghost.

“You don’t always call me back, either, you know,” was the thought that came into my mind (I might have been putting on eye-liner at the time).

I stopped.

What?

Then I made the connection.

I had felt sorry for myself for too much of the previous evening because people wouldn’t call me back. But there are lots of times I get promptings from God through the Holy Ghost and I don’t respond to Him.

For example, almost nightly recently, I’ve had the idea I should improve my prayers, specifically through not kneeling on my bed and doing a face plant into my pillow. There have been times when my prayers are so filled with the Spirit that I feel in communion with Him, times I cherish. In my mind and heart, I feel like He’s very close by and I know something of His will.

Recently, not so much.

Because of this, I may even sometimes mix up requests and ask my family to be blessed before I eat them. I excuse myself because of my fatigue, but I know I’d be much more attentive if I wasn’t snuggled up in bed where I’ve trained myself like one of Pavlov’s dog to soon slip into slumber.

The constant recurrent thought to stop doing this before I pray is the kind of pressing thought that I know it’s from the Spirit. I’m not sure how long it’s been, a few weeks? A month? That’s a long time not to respond to Heavenly Father’s calls. It’d only been a few days for my complaint and they probably had a good reason. Me, I was just being lame and lazy.

I decided to change my frustration with my lack of immediate gratification in call-backs. After feeling remorseful for my poor attitude, I spoke with Heavenly Father in prayer about it. I thanked Him for the perspective, and asked for forgiveness and the chance to be a little more like Him in how I fulfilled my calling. And oh yeah, about that face-plant-prayer-thing, I’ll get on that, too.

Claim I Wish Matthew Chapman and A.C. Grayling Addressed in the Intelligence Squared Debate

This isn’t a rare occasion. I get corrected like this all the time. As I seek the Holy Spirit more diligently and I’m willing to respond to its pressings, it happens more frequently. I consider it part of my lifetime transformation to become more holy through using Christ‘s Atonement by repentance. The beginning of this transformation was a one time event. Evangelical Christians call this “being saved” when you “let Jesus into your heart.”   I believe that beginning experience, which I wrote about in the post “I’m Mormon: Enlightened or Brainwashed,” began a life long process of sanctification for me. I was relieved of the guilt of my sins (forgiven), but now I need to be changed from its effects. I have to choose to yield indivdiual shortcomings and missteps to God (repentance).  The more I seek Christ’s forgiveness as I recognize my missteps, I receive a greater portion of His grace.

This process makes me a better person. As a result, I’m slow to be angry in traffic. I’m slow to think others are incompetent when their customer service isn’t what I expect. I’m slow to be rude. I’m motivated to serve my community. I am more thoughtful in my relationships with my family and friends. I attribute all these polishing aspirations to this process of conversion I’m living. It’s gradual and subtle. I could have missed it this morning, but I was putting myself in a state of mind to hear God’s gentle nudging and I chose to respond.

This brings me to the claim I wish Matthew Chapman and A.C. Grayling addressed in the recent debate hosted by Intelligence Squared. Intelligence Squared poses a motion and invites renowned representatives to debate it. Their most recent motion was “The World Would Be Better Without Religion.” The evening begins with the audience casting a vote for or against the motion and the winner is determined by influencing the greatest amount of change in the audience’s opinions. I was surprised that the audience chose the side for the motion, not just because I’m pro-religion in society. Those advocating for it, meaning arguing the world would be better without religion, frequently cherry picked random scriptures to demonstrate religion’s silliness. These scriptures hardly applied to the religious experience of anyone.  The opponents used rational facts and statistics to justify their claims that religion makes the world a better place.

I wish those wanting to eliminate religion from the world discussed not whether religious belief was delusional, but that it’s possible to participate in an ennobling process equivalent or better to what I’ve described (and is a common narrative among religious people) without these alleged delusions about God. In my mind, when discussing God in the public forum, it doesn’t matter if there’s really a God. What matters is how those who claim belief in a God behave as a result of it. I wish they were able to come up with some explanation that there is a substitute for the drive for spirituality that would move me to change my attitude in the way I’ve described. It was such a slight error, but because what I believe was the Holy Ghost corrected me, I became remorseful and redirected. I changed and I changed for the better. This influence of the Holy Ghost diminishes the likelihood of repeating the error. Though I likely will repeat the error in different forms, I believe these errors will come  less often.  Because of these small course corrections, the possibility of being uncivil to others in my community is increasingly unlikely.

I’m convinced I wouldn’t be so teachable without what I believe is influencing me, the Holy Ghost. If I didn’t believe I was receiving messages from God to make daily decisions to change and if I didn’t believe God was giving me grace to change my heart and make me more like Him, I see no other source in my life to direct me to become ennobled. The messages I receive from media outlets seek to persuade me to consume more and more because I deserve it.  Chapman and Grayling had scoffing tones. Should I model this behavior?

In Rabbi David Wolpe’s closing remarks, he spoke of his grandfather as a boy in Auschwitz who questioned his grandfather about using butter to light a menorah. When the boy questioned him for using the scarce ration for this purpose, the grandfather told him that they have learned they could go three weeks without eating, but they could not go one day without hope.  Through my spiritual changing process I have hope, not just hope for heaven. (Those critical of religion often focus on what they see as a self-interested pursuit of  a post-mortal reward. So let’s just focus on this life for now.) As I enjoy and respond to what I believe is God’s calling, I’m more teachable, I’m more patient, I’m more loving, I’m slow to overreact, my mind is sharper and I remember things more quickly. My joys are deeper and my life is a more fulfilling experience. I see the wonder of the world around me and value the individual worth of every person. Is there any secular substitute for my pursuit to respond to God’s call and change into who I believe He wants me to be?  That is the hope that is within me, which I cannot live one day without.

I wish they’d addressed that claim. It is after all, a common claim among most religious people. Yeah, there are those crazies who use God to justify murder and other outlier business, but what would the world be like if the millions of people who are living a process like I am lost their directing system? Would the world be a better place? What would replace it to compensate for this loss? That would have made for a much more sound debate (rather than quoting Old Testament scripture about women grabbing at men who are in conflict with their husbands).

Interested in the debate? Here  it ’tis:

Debate: The World Would Be Better Off Without Religion from Intelligence Squared U.S. Debates on FORA.tv

Tags: "Mormon Church", Are Mormons Christians, faith in Jesus Christ, grace of God, hope in Christ, mind and heart, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormonism, repentance through Christ

The post “What would a MormonInsider Say About…“  responded in part to Leah's questions. This post continues with some more parts.

I met him when I was in his city on business and later attended a meeting with several Latter-day Saint young single adults. He had a boy-next-door-grown-into-a-studly-man charm about him. He was spiritual, kindly, thoughtful, and brilliantly innovative. Did I mention he was also easy on the eyes? We'd been in touch a few times before my flight was laying over in his city and he picked me up from the airport.

I had called him about meeting during my 4 hr long layover. He didn't know I was flying stand-by on my brother's flight benefits, which meant I hadn't booked my flight before I talked to him. He didn't know if he wasn't able to meet me, I would have taken the earlier flight, leaving enough of an evening to enjoy the company of friends in my ward back in Washington, D.C..  It was my idea to hang out in the terminal. He had a better one. We hiked to a point that overlooked the city.

I was totally digging him. It would have been the beginning of a beautiful story if only he was interested in me, but he was not responsive to my shameless flirting. (I'm not of the camp who think men are stupid.)

While descending the hike, he was going on about being thirty-something and still unmarried. He said he must be doing something wrong because he's been sincerely praying about it for years and it escaped him. "Can't you see that I'M the answer to your prayers?" was the thought that crossed my mind. I looked away to broadly grin at my private joke.

I could have been an answer to his prayers, if he wanted me to be.

Leah asks about recognizing answers to prayers. How do you know they're not just coincidences? What about unanswered prayers and why does God seem to answer yes to frivolous occasions and fail to come through when it really counts?

All good questions.

The truth is, if handsome/charming guy ended up liking me, I probably would have attributed it to being the answer to his prayers and him to mine. I never would have considered it a result of my self-interest and/or biological factors; I really would have enjoyed kissing him. (I'd have to be his girlfriend, of course. I'm not the non-committal make-out type. But, you guessed that already.)

Usually when things happen in our favor, it's really easy to attribute it to God. For example, after a tornado, when one house is standing and the one next to it is demolished, someone could say God protected it. So how do you know it was really Him and not just chance, luck or nature's course simply unfolding?

Leah posed her questions on my claim of receiving answers to prayers on this post where I was describing the truth discovery process by the Holy Spirit. To be honest, I don't know if it's an answer to prayer unless the Spirit confirms it. And the Spirit doesn't confirm things to me as often as I'd like because it requires effort to take the mental action otherwise known as exercise of faith.  It requires diligent pondering, remembering past witnesses and deciding to trust that God will continue His pattern of communication that I've already experienced. By the phrase confirmation of the Spirit, I mean that my mind his enlightened with a simultaneous impression on my heart that I am able to conclude in the moment with certainty that it's not my imagination, but the Holy Ghost. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite diligent in seeking the Spirit, but only the most important things get the required attention.

In the post "My Current Explanation of Life's Purpose," I described how sometimes I feel like God leaves me alone, even when I remain diligent in seeking Him. I believe that the times of greatest growth in faith, for me at least, have come when I feel I'm not being heard. In those times, I look back, remembering past witnesses and decide to remain faithful to what has already been made known to me when I could very easily walk away. So, perhaps those unanswered prayers are purposeful in how God shapes me into who He knows I can become.

Without the Spirit's confirmation, I don't know for sure that it was God. I just infer it.

Without the Spirit's confirmation, I can't say that I know it was God and not chance. Usually, if something happens for which I have been praying, I simply infer it was God; I don't know for sure.

Here's an example.

With the recent downturn in the economy, the leadership of the nonprofit I'm with decided to focus all resources on the core mission. My position applies to the core mission's expansion. They cut me back from full time to part time, which does not cover my living expenses (gone are the days of BYU housing rent at less than $300 monthly). The break was nice for a while so I could breathe and sleep because working full time and going to school at night is very difficult. To cover my expenses, I started using more student loans than I originally planned when I began my master's program.

Several things weighed on my mind. I'm committed to "provident living" as it's known the Church, meaning that I should live within my means and only go into debt for education, a modest home and I can't remember the other one right now. Though my debt was to further my education, not all of it was necessary and therefore contrary to this principle. Also, I purposefully decided not to pursue a law degree and pursue a liberal studies degree.  I won't be qualified to work in a particular trade when I finish my program.  I chose enriching coursework with an end that requires me to forge my own way to form the unique career path that I envision. This was a relatively safe decision when I was employed in a job I loved.  It wasn't looking so hot once my circumstances changed. Lastly, the unemployment rate is over 10% nationwide. I often considered how if I continued living in part off the student loans in addition to the tuition loans, I could finish my program and have to start waiting tables to meet the demands of paying them back. Sheesh. Being an adult is the pits sometimes.

I wanted a new job in my field, but it is really small and specified and I prepared myself to have to take a detour job to pay the bills, if I could even find that. I started praying that I could find a new job in my field and began networking with the organizations whose work I admire.  Many of them operate partially off government grants and with the current tenor of Congress and its deficit decreasing efforts, the story was the same at all those I approached. They'd love to have me, but they have no funding for me and I could volunteer.  I did do some volunteer projects here and there while I continued networking. Unfortunately, I can't eat off goodwill. For the summer, I picked up a full time temp job in addition to the part time job with the nonprofit while taking summer school and I continued networking. It was going to be tight for a while, but hey, girl's gotta do what she can.

Then BAM!  The Bishop of my ward called me into his office and asked me to take on an ongoing time consuming “calling” or responsibility.

What should I do?

I decided I didn't have time to continue looking for a job and take on the responsibility of my new calling. In prayer, I told that Lord that I'm unsure how the job thing was going to work out, but I would trust that if I prioritized serving Him first, it would be fine. I didn't know what would happen; it could be one of those painful growing experiences, but I viewed it as a chance to put God first in my heart and my life.  If not at this moment, then when?  My life could turn into a long series of special circumstances that put my own needs first before the Lord and I don’t want to live that way.

I accepted the calling and quit thinking about finding a new job and put my mind and heart to pondering how I could seek the Spirit to better help those over which I now I had stewardship to access Christ's power more fully by faith.

A few weeks later, a friend of mine forwarded a job posting to me she saw while on a website she rarely visits. She knew that I was part time with my nonprofit, but didn't know I was officially looking and then officially quit looking for the time being (hey, she’s recently married, so we don’t keep up like we used to, you know how it goes). Her find sounded promising. Bleary eyed at midnight, I composed a specified cover letter, updated my resume and emailed it in. The very next morning the executive director emailed me wanting to schedule an interview. He was clear that they would not extend beyond the posted salary range because they'd already budgeted for the year, but assured me the benefits were good and that the next year they could readjust the salary.  I was pleased to hear that the position had a steady revenue stream, so it wasn’t from a temporary grant.

I came into the interview well prepared to make a case for myself.  He opened by telling me that since the job has been posted in the last month, 212 people applied. He was interviewing 12 and I was first because I wrote the best cover letter. "You told me what I couldn't surmise from your resume," he told me. He also liked that I said I look forward to a conversation where we could see if we were "a good professional match."  He said most people assured him in their cover letters they were a perfect fit for the job. He made clear that he would solely determine who was the best fit for the position.

Ends up, this is a position he's been wanting to expand for several years, but he's very particular on who should fill it. Though his board has been pressing him on it, he's been exploring it at his own pace.

After the interview, I used the weekend to draft some recommendations I thought they could do within the next year, based on my experience. I also mailed him a thank you card referring to some specifics from our conversation.

We corresponded for a week over my recommendations while he completed the other 11 interviews. I was preparing to negotiate for the highest end of his salary range, since I knew what it was. The day the interviews closed, he emailed me asking me to accept a director position, rather than the advertised manager position.  Along with the increased position, he offered an increase salary beyond the advertised range that reflected the responsibility of a director.

It was like getting a promotion without asking for one and before I even started.

I was grateful a thousand times over. It's work that I would do for free if I didn’t have to make a living. I'm specialized in a very small niche and this position seems tailor made to my greatest strengths. Of course I accepted (like I'd be blogging about it if I didn't). I later came in to discuss some specifics and he was beaming that I was just the person he has had in mind to realize the vision he has for this new expansion.

Was it God, me or just a coincidence?

So, was this an answer to my prayers?  After all, I must say I rocked the interview.  I wrote a cover letter according to what my quick Google search taught me at midnight since I couldn't remember exactly how to write one. I used my brain to conjure up some recommendations and I cordially sent a thank you note. That was all me. Oh, and my friend by chance could have been on a job database when she didn't have a reason to look for a job  and decided to pass along a possibility to me. But when I have been specifically praying for help about something beyond my control and it falls into my lap better than if I planned it myself, I'm highly suspicious Providence had a hand in it. I have found that God is really good at arranging introductions between people who should meet if the required faith is offered to work such a miracle.  I'm just what my new boss has had in mind for the last few years for the position and what they want to do is exactly what my very unique job at the nonprofit prepared me to do for them. Coincidence? Of course I don't think so, but it's only an inference. The Spirit hasn't confirmed it to me, but I’m connecting the dots on this one.

The Lord told Joseph Smith, "I, the Lord,...delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end" (Doc & Cov 76:5).  I'm choosing to live my life in a way that puts God first, trusting that as I do, He delights to help me out. This isn't the first instance in my life where I seem to get a beautiful break, but I don't do it for what I can get. I do it because of what I want to give.

I can't really prove it was God, but I don’t require proof to continue this path of experimentation.

Next up, I'll respond to why bad things happen to good people, which is what I think Leah means when prayers are not answered before a child is murdered. Then I'll write up my long time promised Black Mormons part 2 post because my response to Chris’s post will make more sense in light of understanding some views I have, explained well through relaying the history of race in the Church. It might rock a few socks, but hey, let’s keep things authentic here at the MormonInside.

Stay tuned.

Tags: "Mormon Church", faith in Jesus Christ, grace of God, mind and heart, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormonism, personal revelation, truth seekers

“Excuse me, is that your bag?”

Is this phrase burned into your psyche? No? That could only be possible if you don’t ride the DC metro rail system where the perky recorded woman’s voice asks us to quiz our fellow commuters when we see any unattended bags.  We’re all fighting terrorism together. So if you “see something, say something.”

There are other DC metro rail practices. For example, don’t be an “esca-lefter.” This means if you are standing on the escalator, stand on the right to allow those walking up a left side passage. Tourists have a difficult time with this one. If you come to visit, remember conformity to social norms isn’t always something you should resist.

You guessed it. I’m not an escalator stander. And I especially feel like a champion when I’m not a stander at the Rosslyn metro stop. That escalator is a tremendous beast and it’s a definite stroke to my ego when I trek up the left side the whole way up.  Just this last week a white bearded cheery man standing on the right….ahem, as I left him in my dust…said to his companion, “here comes someone with energy!” I flashed him the most sugary smile I could muster at the moment.

You see, I’m one of those former high school athletes that still has the heart of a champion, but sits in front of a computer for about 8 hrs a day, not realizing those days are long since passed until I try to bust it out like the good old days and end up heaving for air.  When I knock it out on the metro, I reassure myself “I still got it!”

Get the logic?

Get that it’s my ego?

Yeah, that’s an easy one to call, but the problem with the ego is that often others can see it when you can’t. That’s why Christianity often describes pride as causing blindness.  It doesn’t make everyone blind, though, just you. Heads up.

It revolutionized my life and my spirituality when I started to be aware of my ego and my weaknesses. Once I was able to be aware of them, I could start to work on changing them.

The closer I’ve gotten to Christ, the more convicted I am by my weaknesses. But, the Holy Spirit provides enabling power to do things that I wouldn’t be able to do on my own. It’s amazing how the Lord makes demanding requirements of us and then gives us the power to meet the requirement’s demands.

As I personally engage in this ongoing process, I have to “dig deeper” like Shaun T says in those Insanity videos. (It’s a great workout and I love the powerjacks.) Digging deeply inside myself makes me better aware of who I am and helps me understand more of who I can become as I access the power of Christ‘s Atonement in my life.

And my favorite part about it is it makes me more secure because I view myself more as a work-in-progress rather than in need of masking imperfections. This makes me better able to give of myself in relationships that are important to me. Because of digging deeply and working with the Lord on my weaknesses, I see others more for their potential and increase in patience and admiration for them. It also makes it difficult to offend me. And I love that.

This week in my Religion and Politics in the U.S. class, we discussed New Age religion. The book we read, What Really Matters by Tony Schwartz described some retreats where people purge themselves of repressed emotions by specific practices. I thought it was fascinating and wanted to discover any of my own repressed emotions, so I can liberate them, but I was skeptical of the sweeping claim.  I told the class I was doubtful that in several weekends, you could identify years of repressed emotions and get over them, if you really wanted to. My classmate who is a man in his upward 60′s responded saying he had done such weekend retreats and in several weekends you can have cathartic experiences that reveal all your repressed emotions. The caveat was you have to go in willing to submit yourself to the process. He said it’s important to do such activities in groups because you can often see yourself and your weaknesses in other’s behavior and personalities. Now that’s being willing to lay aside your ego. It was a much softer and humbler side of this man than I anticipated was present in him.

It would be tremendously easier to remain on the surface of myself and with the world, but I find that intensely dissatisfying. How do people live their whole life without searching for deeper meaning? Do they feel numb instead of alive? The American economic model lends well to superficial living, materially, emotionally and spiritually. It takes work to go a different direction.

Digging deeper is a much better way to live. I highly recommend it.

But I’m not ready to give up feeling like a champion dominating the Rosslyn metro escalator. If you see me coming, be sure to stand on the right and make room for my ego.

Tags: building eternal relationships, emotional literacy, faith in Jesus Christ, grace of God, mormon cult, truth seekers

Learning more deeply of other spiritual traditions has influenced my reach for Christ‘s grace.  I’ve been more consciously practicing the values of Buddhist mindfulness and living in the present.  Through this targeted consciousness this week, I recognized how I needed to open my heart more fully than I have been. I go through phases depending on life demands. To accomplish this, I practiced my own version of a “love meditation” that I read about  recently  in What Really Matters by Tony Schwartz. This was the text that informed our class discussion. After calming myself,  focusing my thoughts and settling my heart, I imagined myself sending love to specific people who I  cherish.

It was amazing.  I’m definitely doing that more often.  I think I’ll start following it up with letting them know what they mean to me.

I like how as I am constantly searching for truth, I increase in my ability to discern it in the world around me.

Spirituality permeates life if we allow it. I believe that as I expand and sharpen the connection between my mind, heart and soul that I can better access the power of God. He’s anxious to share that spirituality with me, but I have to prepare myself to be able to receive it. As I try, He makes me able.  It’s not faith or works, it’s both.

Tonight in my Religion and Politics in the U.S. class we discussed New Age religion in America.  To further the discussion, my professor shared this Zen story.  What do you think it means?

Two Buddhist Monks were on a journey, one was more senior than the other.  During their journey they approached a rough and raging  river.  On the river bank they saw a young woman. She was clearly in need of help to cross to the other side of the river without drowning.

The junior monk walked straight past her without giving it a thought and crossed the river. The senior monk offered to help the woman and carried her across the river.   Once across they parted ways and the two monks continued on their journey.

As the journey continued, the senior monk could see that the junior monk had something of concern on his mind, and asked what was wrong. The junior monk replied, “How could you carry that woman like that? You know we can’t touch women, it’s against our way of life”. The senior monk answered, “I left the woman at the rivers edge a long way back, why are you still carrying her?”

What lesson(s) do you see?

Tags: fear and faith, grace of God, mind and heart, truth seekers

One of my most favorite classes in my masters' program at Georgetown University has been my Religion & Politics in the U.S. class. Both are taboo topics in polite company to avoid possible offense. No class session has been boring in the slightest and often class members end up hanging around after to further the discussion.

It's interesting for me to navigate both an academic community addressing religion and a faith community in which I am fully immersed.  Within my faith community, we frequently take for granted truth claims that many view with high suspicion. It has taken me some adjustment not to feel defensive in these scenarios and to comfortably communicate the viewpoint and motivation of a person of faith.

In a recent class on theories of pluralism, our professor, who I have come to greatly admire and appreciate, framed the discussion in terms of where we were personally on the scale. She provided the following theories:

1. Exclusivistic Model: Without a personal relationship with Jesus Christ there is no salvation.  All those who do not accept Jesus in their heart at some point in their life spend eternity in hell.

 

2. Inclusivitic Model: God can be found in all world religions, but Jesus Christ has come to

Tags: "Mormon Church", Book of Mormon, faith in Jesus Christ, grace of God, hope in Christ, mormon beliefs, repentance through Christ, resurrection

I have the lesson today in Relief Society, which is the women’s Sunday School-ish class.  The men have the same lesson, only in their own meeting.

The lesson manual focuses on the 10 commandments, found in Exodus 20,  directly related to dishonesty:

Thou shalt not steal.

Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

The lesson said we’re not to lie, cheat or steal.

As the teacher, it’s my responsibility to make the lesson tailored to the sisters.  For those who long ago made a commitment to give our hearts to Christ, these basic commandments make for really boring lessons. Okay, I guess I’m just talking about myself.  I’m bored when the lesson is something that I learned when I was 10 years old and it doesn’t bring in any new insights from those first lessons.

So I re-wrote the lesson.

I framed it in terms of a covenant relationship with God. This is the Latter-day Saint (Mormon) unique claim, afterall.  Because Christ‘s Church was lost from the earth, God wanted to restore mankind’s ability to live in a covenant relation with Him. Covenants begin with ordinances administered by His authority.

In today’s lesson, we’ll discuss honesty in terms of the following framework:

I. Our covenant relationship with God requires honesty with Him

II. Our covenant relationship with God requires honesty with ourselves

III. Our covenant relationship with God requires honesty with others

The last portion will include a section on how emotional honesty affects our relationship in each of these categories

Emotional honesty influences our relationships with God, ourselves and others.

This idea came to me when watching this video below  in between general conference sessions last week.  (In general conference, the Prophet and Apostles address the Church and the world.)

Look for Chris’ emotional honesty in the video

Because of Chris’ emotional honesty, I believe he was able to access the Atonement of Christ.  Because he was able to access the Atonement, he was enabled to forgive Cameron, the teenaged drunk driver who hit his car and killed his wife and two of his children.  Because of Chris’ decision to access the Atonement, he was emotionally available to support his grieving children.

Look for the following specific examples of his emotional honesty:

a.   He was honest in his prayers with the Lord with how he felt Chris: "When I kneel down and desire to speak to my Father in Heaven when I am so anguished it's an interesting conversation to have. He didn't try to make it better, He listened at first and that was very helpful .  He allowed me to get that anger off my chest, but inevitably He would always come back and teach me about His Son.  When I did feel anger or loneliness, I didn't direct it at the person who caused this, it directed itself at the Savior.

b. . His emotional honesty made him humble and sensitive to the Spirit: "I remember sensing and feeling that I needed to let this go.”

c.. His emotional honesty enabled him to express himself to the drunk driver and then forgive him: [Cameron when he first met Chris] "He was completely willing to talk about what happened that night and how he felt about it. [Cameron's Mom speaking] "He said some things that Cameron needed to hear and he didn't mince words. He let him know how he was feeling ." Cameron: "He wants me to let go of what happened. He wants me to pick a date and forget. Just move on from what happened completely.”

Questions to Ponder and Discuss

How did emotional honesty enable Chris (the father in the video) to access the Atonement and forgive? Do you think Chris could have forgiven Cameron without first expressing his honest feelings to the Lord?

How would emotional dishonesty harden the heart?

How does emotional honesty affect our spirituality?

The Point I’m hoping to make about honesty and spirituality

For those interested in spirituality, emotional health should not be neglected.  The Spirit is a voice we feel.  (1 Kings 19:11) Denying the sincere feelings of our hearts makes us hard hearted and disconnected from God, His Spirit, ourselves and our neighbor. We’re commanded to love each.

I believe it was through Chris’ emotional honesty that he was able to grieve in a way that turned his heart to the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He wouldn’t have been able to do it alone. Christ gives us power beyond our own, but we have to take personal steps to access His power.

I’m looking forward to the insights that come out in the lesson. What are your thoughts on the topic?

Tags: emotional literacy, faith in Jesus Christ, God is our loving Heavenly Father, grace of God

The foyer and seating room of the Metropolitan Opera.

Last week while in New York City, I experienced the Metropolitan Opera for the first time.  Both the opera house and the singing were breath-taking.

The current production, Tosca, has all the makings of a good opera, a self-absorbed diva, over the top descriptions of love, (Did Puccini really write for the lovers to compare it to a rainbow in the clouds???) a would-be rapist as the villain and everyone with whom the audience develops a relationship dies tragically.  I immensely enjoyed it, but I must admit, my 21^st century microwave-instantly attention span was tested by the 3 hrs and 10 minutes of slow paced action sung in Italian. Luckily, there were English subtitles displayed on the backs of the seats in front of us or I would have missed out on most the story's happenings.

From these subtitles I learned that the talented diva, Floria Tosca, was a terribly jealous woman.  Just before the audience meets Tosca, we see the portrait her love, Mario, is creating of Mary Magdalene. She is blond with blue eyes, though Tosca's hair is raven and her eyes brown.  As the diva is calling, Mario begins singing about how much he loves Tosca when he discovers his friend Cesare who had long since been imprisoned for political dissent.  He has escaped and Mario promises to protect him.  He quickly prompts him to hide immediately, saying that Tosca is a jealous woman. The coast is cleared just as Tosca enters.

She greets Mario graciously, showering him with terms of endearment.  These dramatic expressions were a little too gushing for me, but maybe that's the way opera rolls. Then she sees the blond portrait and switches into a completely different mode,  full of resentment and bittnerness.  He reassures her of his love, saying she is the only one for him and she appears to accept it, but then presses him for more assurance.

At this point my eyes were rolling backwards in my head. I whispered to my friend who was hosting me that she should just accept his reassurances so we ALL could move on.

Again she appears to be satisfied, but then she requests in a small voice that he change the portrait's eyes to brown and the hair to raven.  He assures her of his love and she exits. Mario and Cesare then exit to find a safe hiding place.

Enter Scarpio, the worst villain I've ever met on stage. Later in the opera he sings about how he'd rather conquer women than woo them and move onto the next after the conquest. He lusts after Tosca, but [spoiler alert] she kills him before he can rape her.

I didn't know all this when I met Scarpio in Act I, but I knew he was devious.

Scarpio found a fan in the hiding spot in the church that belonged to a woman who came to pray.  The fan's owner happened to be the blond blued eyed woman that inspired Mario's painting. Scarpio swiftly suggests that Mario is cheating on her with the fan's owner and Tosca believes him in T-minus 2 seconds.:(  As she sings in the anguish of Mario's alleged betrayl she viciously stabs the eyes of the portrait.

Yikes, diva.

Tosca, don't you think your man deserves the benefit of the doubt? He's assured you of his love over and over, over and over. For his part, maybe this is a big red flag that this is always going to be an issue in your relationship.  Some self examination is in order.

Whew. Good thing this is fiction.

Scarpio then suggests she confirm Mario's wear abouts. Soon after her exit, Scarpio sends his men after her, suspecting that Cesare is with Mario.  Her jealousy leads to capture of both men and ultimately all of their tragic deaths.

Sad story, but I'm so cultured now.:)

Jealousy: It can't be that bad, right? I like green.

A dear friend once told me how she appreciated that I wasn't a jealous girl. I asked her what prompted such a generous compliment.  She told me how she was explaining to her sister the difficulties she was having with her then roommate. She felt like she couldn't talk about how she loved her job or talk about how excited she was about her new boyfriend because her roommate would become resentful and abrasive.  My friend then told her sister how she assumed every girl was like me in being happy for their friends' success, but she was learning that wasn't the case.

I was happy she was happy I was happy in her happiness.

There's lots of reasons why I'm not a jealous person. Two of them are because of my Dad and because of my America-loving idealism sub-paradigm. (The restored gospel of Jesus Christ is my first paradigm. The second is the Constitution.) My Dad always told me that I could do and be anything I wanted. I believed him and still do. So when I see others' success, I feel like it's a demonstration that what they're doing exists in a realm of possibility for me. I don't see it in terms of if they're winning, I'm losing as if there's some zero-sum equation of success in which I'm competing. Further, the American dream centers on the creation of opportunity through hard work.  Keeping my feet engaged in the hard work of chasing my dreams is intensely satisfying. Why wouldn't I be happy for others who are doing the same?

But I have been jealous. Twice. One was a one time event and the other was for an extended duration.

Enter hot lacrosse boy in my early college days on stage left. We'd been close for years and he always wanted to be my boyfriend, but I kept him at a distance (I had walls then that I've since dissolved, gratefully).  He finally moved on, but we remained close friends. Enter new blond girlfriend at his lacrosse game on stage right when I drove 2 hours to see him play.  He was so hot all sweaty after the game. From the stands, I saw him walking across the field, but his smile was for the blond girl waiting by the fence. I WAS SO JEALOUS. It's a nasty emotion. I remember thinking, "Why am I feeling this way? What is my deal?" I felt it the strongest when he reached out and hugged her.

The other was for most of the recovery of an ended relationship.  I was crazy about him, but in the end I found out he was more interested in keeping alive the memory of his previous love who devised and implemented her own bailout than he was interested in me. In my view, she deserved none of his love, but even in her absence she was getting what I wanted.  I WAS SO JEALOUS. It's a nasty emotion.

Jealousy isn't rational. Maybe I was being too hard on Tosca. Naaahhhh.

Once we're stripped of jealousy, we can better know God

In a revelation to Joseph Smith in 1831, the Lord promised the saints that if they stripped themselves of jealousies and fears and sufficiently humbled themselves before Him, "the veil would be rent and you shall see me and know that I am--not with the carnal neither natural mind, but with the spiritual" (Doctrine & Covenants 67:10).

The Lord went on to explain how man is able to bear His presence, "For no man has seen God at any time in the flesh, except quickened by the Spirit of God" (Doctrine & Covenants 67:11).

King Benjamin, an ancient American prophet, taught that the “natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father" (Mosiah 3:19).

It's beautiful that it is through Christ’s power, His Atonement, we are able to put off the natural man. When we rely on Him, we can strip ourselves of jealousies and fears and sufficiently humble ourselves before God to receive revelations He has for us.

Christ's power can wipe away jealousy. It's a nasty emotion. I never want to own it ever again. I'd much rather shed my natural tendencies and receive a greater portion of the Spirit of God.

Joseph Smith taught that God did not give any revelation to Him that He wasn't willing to give to anyone else. They just needed to prepare themselves to receive the communication.  It's not a zero-sum game in God's practice of providing revelations. He wants to reveal Himself to His children. We just have to prepare ourselves.  One step is kicking the nasty emotion of jealousy by accessing the Atonment of Jesus Christ.

Tags: building eternal relationships, dating, faith in Jesus Christ, friends, God is our loving Heavenly Father, grace of God, happiness, jealousy, Joseph Smith, modern prophet, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormonism, putting off the natural man through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, repentance through Christ

I recently crossed paths with a man I haven't seen in a while. It's always a great pleasure to get to chat with him.   He reminds me of Robert Downey, Jr.'s version of Sherlock Holmes, only minus the air-of-jerk  Downey carried over from his Ironman movies. I have a confession. In conversation with this guy my mind sometimes wonders to which of my natural inclinations I'd rather employ; pushing his buttons to ignite a spirited debate or just smiling at him mindlessly.  Of course, I do neither. I usually just reservedly grin and interject a comment occasionally, hoping that it wasn't obvious my mind was wondering during his endearing display of expressiveness.

In this recent conversation, he revealed some of his quirky cleaning compulsions. I asked how his roommates handled these.  He said for men, they're rather clean, which still isn't that clean, but he just sets his expectations low and things work well.  I then wondered what kind of expectation he would set for his would-be wife. I wondered if it would be best to hire a maid on steroids to free her of any expectations higher than his current roommates now receive.

To be fair, I have absolutely no idea how this man treats any woman special to him and I have no idea what he expects of his would-be spouse's cleaning standards and abilities.  It just made me wonder.

I also recently caught up with a friend whose romantic relationship just ended. He's spread quite thin these days with several very worthy, but demanding ventures (I'm impressed with high achievers. It's not infrequently we become friends).  However, he sets his relationships as a high priority and when she was asking for more time, he made specific efforts to provide. In their break up session, she told him she wasn't happy.

He asked her what specifically he was not doing or what he could do to meet her needs.

In past state-of-the-relationship conversations, he asked her to express what she wanted. She told him that he should just know by being so in tune with her needs she wouldn't have to ask. She never could tell him what she wanted, so he was at a loss to provide it.  In relaying the unfolding of events to me, he held out his hand low and said,

"What I had to give was down here.  I gave her all I had. Her expectations of what I should have been giving were up here."

The gap between the two was depressing to me. I'm well acquainted with this man. What he has to give is tremendous and his willingness to give it matches his capacity. It really was a case of misplaced expectations.

I've personally found contentment these days in setting expectations low in my dating explorations, but that's a post for another day.:)

Where should we place our expectations?  A life of setting expectations too low could result in grossly unrealized potential. But setting expectations too high could result in a state of frustrated disconnection from ourselves and those we care about. How do we know?  We could look to God for help. He gets it right, as He always does.

God Expects Our Best, No More, No Less

In a revelation to Joseph Smith in 1831 the Lord said He, "requireth the heart and a willing mind" (Doctrine & Covenants 64:34). God has given us everything, including life.  Our will, comprised of our minds and hearts, is really all that is exclusively our own.

For me, the decision to turn my mind and heart over to the Lord was a one time event and every day since, I renew that decision through what I give my time and attention and how I behave. It's demanding, but at the same time, I don't feel like it's overwhelming because of the grace He provides.

God's grace makes salvation a reality and those who seek it receive additional benefits. This enabling power is described in the LDS Bible Dictionary. "[Grace seekers] receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left on their own means." I don't get overwhelmed with the expectation to daily give my mind and heart to God because He gives me the power to do it.  Really, all He asks is I try and try my best.  As He taught in His mortal ministry in the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30), He understands we're all at different ability levels.  He expects us to expand what we have been given.

He just expects us to give what we have, all of it, just as my friend described he gave to his significant other. God would have been satisfied and rejoiced in his offering.  The rest of us have much to learn from God about where to set our expectations.

God expects our best. He gives us power to meet this expectation. This requirement is not overwhelming when we rely on Him through His grace. This process is empowering and fulfilling. Through engaging in the process, we meet our greatest potential.

Those really are great expectations.:)

Tags: building eternal relationships, dating, faith in Jesus Christ, friends, grace of God, happiness, heart and mind, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormonism, putting of the natural man through the Atonement of Jesus Christ

"Modern Love? The full time mission is for acquiring and sharing Christ-like love of the nonromantic variety.  You knew that when you volunteered and agreed to pay your own way."

"All I Wanted Was a Hug," was the title of the New York Times Modern Love article that had my eyes rolling back into their sockets. The writer's point was that as a full time missionary for Christ's restored gospel in Taiwan, she felt isolated and misunderstood and would have found solace in the arms of her favorite male missionary, but the unjust “system,” as she called it, forbade it. I was really annoyed with this most recent "expose" of Mormon Missions because it completely missed the point.  There seems to be a great deal of attention on what missionaries can't do. But "the system" or the guidelines for operating missions around the world is designed to enable the missionaries to focus as much as possible on their purpose, which is to "Invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end" (Preach My Gospel, p 1).

As a result of placing my heart, hopes, thoughts and determination in fulfilling this purpose as a full time missionary myself,  I was able to experience heightened spiritual power.  The Holy Ghost moved through me in a way I could not have anticipated.  To cheapen it with a pop culture comparison, it was like becoming a Yoda in terms of attunement with "the force." All around me, I could understand and feel how "all things denote there is a God" (Alma 30:44) and as I drew closer to Christ, I felt a new and deepened grief for the enslavement of sin on mankind.  There were times when the Holy Ghost pressed so heavily, but gently on my mind and heart that I knew with clarity the specific message the Lord wanted me to say to one of His children. Then, I would use my own words to convey God's words. What an incredible privilege.

If I wasn't praying in my heart, I was testifying of God's goodness or talking with my partner, called a "companion," about some gospel principle or visiting someone with the purpose of lifting them up and drawing them closer to Christ. In short, so what if I had to put my personal romantic pursuits on hold?  Now that I'm in full swing in that season of my life, it occupies more of my prime thinking time than would be ideal for me. (I’d really like to make  it a priority without it sucking up valuable brain-space. Is that possible?)  If I was thinking about seeking male affection, it would have undermined my ability to give so much of my mind and heart to the benefit of others and I would have missed out on the heaven-meets-earth experience of becoming an instrument in the hand of God as I did. I wouldn't have been able to receive the message over the thoughts of “Does he like me? So, when he said this to me, did he mean this or this...Am I reading too much into this?  He mentioned his ex girlfriend. Is he not over her?..This missionary wardrobe is not exactly catch-a-man attire..." And a thousand other fluffy and unimportant thoughts that go along with the dating process. Receiving revelation from God, takes mastery of the mind and heart and offering both to God with dedicated and consistent effort. After a space of work and then during more work, He then pours out His grace.  Giving up "Modern Love" for a brief time is a wise part of "the system" for sharing the gospel when young missionaries are still learning how to speak the language of the Spirit.

For 18 months, as a full time missionary, I did not date, I talked to my family on the phone twice a year and wrote home once a week, I didn't read the news or consume any other media, I slept from 10:30pm to 6:30 am where I would then exercise, shower, dress, study the scriptures personally for one hour, and then with my companion for one hour. Then we went out into the world 24/7 from 10 am to 9 pm (with an hour for lunch and an hour for dinner) to share the message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  As a result of this work, focus and turning my mind and heart over to God as much as I possibly could, He blessed me with a greater portion of His grace. I developed an impulse for charity and compassion that I still maintain now.

I knew I was giving up affection from the men-folk in order to give everything to the purpose of bringing others unto Christ. Every missionary knows that. The temporary delay was worth it to teach me the level of spirituality that is possible to be attained in this life. Now my struggle is still enjoying that degree of the companionship of the Holy Ghost while I have life's distractions of making a living, dating and suffering the bombardment of the images of the world that missionaries can escape thanks to "the system."

The Grinch's Heart Grew 3 Sizes Over Many Days. The Reformation of My Compassion

As a missionary,  I corresponded with Heavenly Father in many sincere prayers to fill me with His love (charity),  which He bestows upon all who are true followers of His Son Jesus Christ (Moroni 7:48).  He definitely answered those prayers in a difficult, but wonderful way. When we pray for blessings, God provides us with the opportunity to grow so we can receive the blessing.  This includes making us aware of our weaknesses so we can fix them with His help, enabled by His grace.

I trace the beginning of this particular weakness to seventh grade, though I suspect my personality traits, which I possessed even in the premortal existence, also contribute. Middle School was horrible for everyone, wasn't it? It was definitely horrible for me. My parents almost divorced when I was in seventh grade and I was not emotionally mature enough to assess the situation and draw anything good out of it.  I was frustrated, very angry and embarrassed that everyone knew. (In my mind they did anyway, couldn't they see the neon sign hanging over me?) I was also scared of the life ahead where I was going to have to choose which parent to live with.

The way I ended up handling it was becoming emotionally unavailable. That's right, I decided not to feel.  I'd already sowed the seeds for this the previous year when my young aunt died in a tragic car accident and to deal with the pain I decided not to feel. I remember my mindset at her funeral as I prevented any tears. But the sad part is by choosing to cope in this way, I robbed myself of loving deeply for my latter growing up years.  I would still get excited over volleyball and softball games, but I wouldn't tell my family I loved them and if anyone wanted to get close to me, it was usually after their effort and patience, not mine. (Poor guys who dated me in my early college days. Can you say an ice princess?)  I used to admire how compassionate my Mom was and wondered how that virtue missed me. I had no idea I lacked compassion because of my own choice.

Then I became a missionary.  As I was praying to receive charity, the pure love of Christ, for all of God's children, I started to receive it. Only it was painful.  Years of blocking off my heart made it difficult to feel love so deeply. When people would listen to our message for a time and then ask us never to come back because they were afraid of what the neighbors would think if they "became Mormon," it cut me deeply.  "Shouldn't they care more about what God thinks?" I would ask myself as I struggled with the grief. They didn't know what they were rejecting. In a way, I felt a bit of Christ’s disappointment as I was beginning to love as He did. Other experiences deepened my capacity to love, but also sharpened pain’s bitterness.  I wonder how God does it. He perfectly loves with a depth that is unimaginable, which means His capacity to feel pain is horrendously poignant.

As I willingly, received the gift of charity He was extending to me as a result of my sincere and frequent petitions for it, I realized one day I was like Dr. Seuss’ the Grinch:

"And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then – the true meaning of Christmas came through, and the Grinch found the strength of *ten*Grinches, plus two!"

The Grinch was learning the meaning of Christmas, but I was learning the meaning of Him whose day Christmas is.  I received from the hand of my God His gifts of charity and compassion as I sought them and found the strength of the merciful God of Israel. As mentioned before, I developed an impulse for charity and compassion that I still now retain. But these gifts have short shelf life.  A quality relationship with God and receiving specific gifts from His hand requires constant nurturing through prayer, scripture study, service, devotion and effort.  I learned these patterns best as a missionary and I apply them in my life now. What a privilege it was to focus 100% on building His kingdom for that special and short time in my life. And with those experiences, I move forward with a life full of blessings, frequently drawing upon and expanding what the Holy Ghost taught me as a missionary.  I have yet to experience "Modern Love" that compares, but I expect that eternal love will.;)

(Learning this was a turning point for me. I now believe emotional health influences our ability to enjoy spirituality or the fruits of the Spirit because God uses the mind and heart to communicate with us (Doctrine & Covenants 8:2-3).  If someone is suffering from depression or hang ups like I had, it may be difficult to feel and understand messages from the Holy Ghost.  Since my full time mission experience, I've made great efforts to become emotionally literate and it has greatly influenced my quality of life. I recommend plumbing out your subconscious with the Lord. By doing so, I become transparent before Him and more like His Son as I offer to willingly and  painfully work on my weaknesses by His grace.)

Mormon Missionary Message: Christ's New Testament Church is Restored

"So, what is it that "Mormon Missionaries" share?" Representatives of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints bring a message of full access to the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  His gospel is the formula for us to overcome the effects of the Fall of Adam. His gospel includes entering into a covenant relationship with Him to fully receive the blessings of His Atonement, namely faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, baptism by immersion for the remission of sins by one with God's authority and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and continuing faithful by living God's commandments. The crowning ordinance of the gospel of Jesus Christ is for the family to be sealed by His authority in His Holy Temple, so they will continue as a family unit in the next life.

Christ established a Church during His mortal ministry, but it was lost after His ascension into heaven and with the deaths of Peter, the Prophet in Christ’s physical absence, and the Apostles. Some people still continued to believe in Christ and what would become the Bible was eventually canonized over 300 years later, but the actual New Testament Church with living revelation through Apostles and Prophets, pure doctrine and the authority to administer ordinances, which would enter the willing into a covenant relationship with God was no longer on the Earth.  The unique message of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that Christ has restored His New Testament Church to the Earth with correct doctrine, living Prophets and Apostles and the authority to administer ordinances. Other religious practices have elements and different degrees of truth and are preparatory to bring Heavenly Father's children to Christ's Church with the authority to perform the ordinances of the gospel and enable Father's children to enter into a covenant with Him.

During New Testament times, Christ gave the mandate to, "Go ye therefore, teaching all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost (Matthew 28:19). He has given similar direction in our time in His restored Church, hence the "Mormon Missionaries" knocking at your door.

Tags: "Mormon Church", building eternal relationships, faith in Jesus Christ, friends, grace of God, hope in Christ, missionaries, mormon beliefs, mormon cult, Mormon Elders, Mormon Missions, Mormonism, repentance through Christ