I’m Mormon, Enlightened or Brainwashed?

Preface

“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample  them under their feet and turn again and rend you” (Matt 7:6). This scripture has frequently come to my mind as I’ve been deciding how to write blog posts.  Faith, its inception and expansion, is sacred and deeply personal.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, nicknamed the Mormon Church by the public, the practice is to keep sacred things sacred by not talking too casually about them in trusted company or by only sharing such things with people who will in the very least not degrade or despise them. The universal (on one side of the digital divide, anyway) reach of the Internet brings in unique dynamics in keeping sacred things sacred.  Do faithful Mormons not post about anything sacred because of who may respond from this general audience?

All that is a lead up for me to say I’ve thoughtfully considered how specific to be in this particular post. Perhaps my immediate detachment from personally facing a very general audience contributes to my audacity, but candor is usually my preference anyway.  Therefore, I’m accepting that I am throwing my personal sacred things to some people who may act like “dogs” or “swine,” but my greater purpose is to provide a case that others can use as precedent for their own spiritual growth. “God is no respecter of persons” (Acts 10:34) . What He has done for me, He is willing and anxious to do for all of His children, if they are willing to pay the price.

Now, allow me to share with you candidly, but not completely, the price I have paid and that I am continuing to pay to know God (John 17:3).  Perhaps you too will take first steps or be renewed in efforts to know Him better.

Self Honesty

Self honesty is something that has been part of my personal make up for as long as I can remember.  After being honest with myself, this beneficial self-centeredness led me to honesty with the Lord and then with others. Like every strength, it has probably also been my worst weakness. As a teenager, I didn’t want people to “sugarcoat” things for me and I in turn didn’t want to sugarcoat it for others. I wanted it direct and straight in both directions. Because of this, in my immaturity, I not infrequently delivered offense.  Now, as I’ve matured, I’ve often been accused of being “diplomatic,” which is my more kind approach to still being honest and not betraying myself while still being courteous of others’ feelings.

I believe it was this trait that led me to early spiritual exploration and commitment.

During high school, I was attending “seminary”, which was a 6:00 am hour long scripture study class before school.  Also at that time, one of my favorite things to do was to have scriptural talks with my Dad; as a result, I tended to be more familiar with the scriptures than my peers. This led me to frequent religious discussions at school where I was defaulted as some kind of authority. After a while, I began to be uncomfortable. I believed the things I was saying, but I didn’t know they were true.  I feared I was being dishonest with myself and misleading others by confidently sharing things that I only just believed.

As if inherently, I knew there was a God and I knew His Son Jesus Christ came into the world to meet the Universe’s demand of justice and offer mercy to those who would accept Him. I believe this was the result of many many lessons in my home and at Church where I learned these truths. The Holy Spirit had confirmed this reality to me in a subtle, gradual and undetectable way.  What made me so uncomfortable was the claim that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was the Lord’s restored New Testament Church on the earth in our time.  I was worried I believed this only because my parents had taught it to me.  After some time of thinking it over, I decided I needed to investigate this for myself. I believed through prayer and “doing my homework” God would help me find His Church.

I rejected the mainstream Christian belief that the “church” today is all the believers in Christ in various churches across the earth (a reference based on 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 from what I could tell). Though I by no means discounted their faith in the Savior, I didn’t believe this aligned with how Christ set up His Church during His mortal ministry. Further, it seemed contrary to God’s nature to me to have a “church” that conflicted on so many points of basic doctrine as did Catholics, Baptists, Methodists, Pentecostals, Seventh Day Adventists, Nondenominationals and other Christian churches.  I believed God must have an accurate communication of His doctrine in at least one of the many churches on earth. Hence, I believed that God’s Church was  on the earth.  Even if it broke my parents’ hearts I was going to find it and unite myself with it. At fifteen years old, I had to know and I was willing to do the work so that I could know. Once I knew, I intended to be true to that knowledge for the rest of my life.

The Price for Personal Revelation: Doing My Homework

Because I knew there was a God and  His Son Jesus Christ was the Savior of the world, which all these churches taught, and they all believed the Bible, though there were many translations, I focused my efforts on the Book of Mormon because it set apart the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from all the other Christian churches. I started reading it intently and asking God to help me know if His hand was involved in bringing it to the public. I figured it was either/or. It was brought forth by the gift and power of God or it wasn’t.  If it was, it was evidence that God had restored His New Testament Church to the earth and it was the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. If it wasn’t, it was a fraud and it would be eliminated from the possible ranks of being Christ’s Church on the earth and I would have more searching to do.  If the latter was the case, I would view its members as very nice, but unfortunately misguided people.

Over the course of several months, knowing how God felt about the Book of Mormon constantly consumed my discretionary thoughts.  If I wasn’t focusing on school work or whatever sport I was playing, I was pondering what I had read in the Book of Mormon. Reading about Abinadi (A-ben-a-die) became my favorite to a point.  I’d previously read how Lehi brought his family out of Jerusalem before its destruction during the time of Jeremiah and they brought with them the practice of the Law of Moses.  I liked how the wicked king arrested Abinadi for preaching of Christ and that the wicked king’s court had perverted the Law of Moses, which purpose was to point the minds and hearts of the people to Christ.  I liked how Abinadi’s death seemed inevitable, but he boldly taught the corrupt court about the mercy found in Jesus Christ.  I felt my own faith in Christ strengthening. Other stories of faith-filled people strengthened my faith. Then ultimately, I came to the climax of the Book of Mormon where the resurrected Jesus Christ appeared to the ancient American Christians, recorded in 3 Nephi 11.They knew He would be born near Jerusalem, the land from which their forefathers had come and He finally came to them!  I was rejoicing with those in the record as I read.  I loved reading how He blessed the children individually (3 Nephi 17). This Christ was the same Jesus Christ who I’d come to know for myself personally, the Author and Finisher of my faith.

Personal Revelation: The Process and the WOW

By the time I came to the closing pages of the Book of Mormon, I believed that book was of God because of the Holy Spirit which came to stay with me as I hungrily read and pondered the content of its pages and because of the expanded faith I then enjoyed.  But, could I say that I knew?  Though I felt like I’d been blessed, I only believed it strongly. I still could not say that I knew.

In the closing pages of the Book of Mormon, the last prophet to write in the record, Moroni, (More-ron-eye) describes a formula for receiving personal revelation. If when I “received these things” meaning the Book of Mormon, if I would 1. ask God 2. with a sincere heart 3. real intent (meaning willing to act on the answer) 4. having faith in Christ, He would “manifest the truth of it unto [me] by the power of the Holy Ghost” (Moroni 10:4). Check, check, check and check. So what else should I do, just wait?  I continued to ask God, urgently. I wanted, no I needed to know.

Then WOW. One night still at fifteen years old, while I was on my knees, again praying that He could please help me to know that the Book of Mormon was sent from Him, I felt my thoughts quickly enlighten and then it was as if someone had poured a pitcher of warm water over the crown of my head flowing to every part of my body all the way down to my toes.  I don’t have words to represent it well enough, but it felt like liquid love or joy filling my body completely. I’m not sure how long this went on until I suddenly became scared. I knew Satan was a great deceiver and I worried at this cross-roads moment for me, he would deceive me if he could. But this was different from a false masquerade 1 Corinthians 11:14. I had the idea come to me that Satan could pretend to be an angel of light, but he could not create peace, which is what I was feeling throughout my body. Further, I thought it was contrary to Satan’s nature and mission to strengthen me in my resolve to live for Jesus Christ and that is just what this experience was doing.  It was as if my nature was changing.  I no longer had a desire to sin, but I wanted to live as purely and as faithfully as I possibly could.  God had made me a new creature (2 Corinthians 5:17) and in the process had helped me to know His New Testament Church was restored in my time.  Ends up, I was already a part of  it. The Book of Mormon, which He brought forth through a modern prophet was evidence of this message of a restoration.

I believe this instance was what the scriptures call “baptism of fire” which follows baptism by immersion for the remission of sins by one with authority and the ordinance of laying of hands to confer the gift of the Holy Ghost. I received these ordinances when I was eight years old and seven years later, my baptism of fire occurred after much petition. Many, I may dare say most, do not have a single event for their baptism of fire, but an undetectable gradual process (3 Nephi 920). I believe because God knew I would best benefit from a direct and straightforward answer and because I petitioned Him so much for it, He worked with in a way that best fit my personality and needs. He knows me so well. Also, I believe God is sparing with such blessings because it suddenly made me accountable to live according to the knowledge He gave me. That’s why, I believe, such experiences require relentless and urgent imploring. I believe that God will do the same for ANYONE who similarly seeks after Him.  What spiritual experiences have you sought by the hand of the Lord?  Do you want similar kinds of experiences so that you can know God?

Earnest of the Spirit

“[God] hath also sealed us and given the earnest of the Spirit in our hearts” (2 Corinthians 1:22).  In legal terms, an earnest payment is a large sum a purchaser offers to demonstrate a commitment. The purchaser completes the payment with a much larger amount at a following date.  I’m unsure if this is how Paul was using this term, but it fits well for my experience.  I believe that God was showing me in a very personal way the kind of joy experienced while living in His presence.  This “earnest of the Spirit” was only a small taste of what lies ahead for me as I am faithful to Him.

Still Believing and Living as a Disciple of Christ: Life in Between Spiritual Experiences

I have had other powerful spiritual experiences in my life, but none as deep and to the magnitude of this one time event. I believe these occasions are rare because my faith expands as I have the opportunity to make decisions in accordance with the knowledge God has already given me.  Discipleship takes work, but work where the pay off from God (grace) is far greater than any investment on my part. I daily come to know God as I, with gratitude, remember, remember, remember and choose to live His commandments. What About You?

Do you know God?  Do you want to better know Him?  What kind of work are you willing to do so He will pour out His grace in answer? Are you willing to seek with real intent, meaning live according to the answer He gives?  Are you willing to sincerely exercise faith in Christ, even if your faith is only the desire to have faith? What sins are you willing to give up to better know Him? When I employ my self honesty, I realize that though I know He is real and His Son offers an escape from my current sins, there is much I still need to change in order to receive a greater portion of grace and know Him better.  I have learned that God wants most for me to offer Him my sins, my heart and my mind. In return He is making of me something far better than I could ever do on my own.  That is why I continue to trust Him as a disciple and continue to “pay the price” to increase in His confidence. Whatever it is that I am holding on to, it is worth giving up to better know God. What about you?

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